(I am considering seeing a doctor about depression. I am not sure if what I experience is really depression. I have been wondering, maybe I have never experienced 'normal' as other people do. I wonder if they will help me focus better and be more productive, esp. in my spare time.)
I'm in my late 50s. I've been taking an SSRI, generic Citalopram (Celexa) for a few months. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citalopram
The biggest impact on my life may be that I'm still alive, that I no longer want to or feel that I need to kill myself, that I no longer wake up every day wondering if this should be the day. This was my life just a few months ago.
I wish I'd done something about this years ago.
More productive? Yeah, maybe. I was still functioning when I was untreated, but I was miserable, and would obsess over any setback, real or constructed. So I'm not doing that anymore, and so I'm probably spending more time producing.
Possibly more productive in the sense that I bother trying to accomplish things in my personal life that I previously discarded as impossible for me. "That'll never work."
However, that's my story, not yours. We're all individuals, with our own genes and experience and environment.
Drawbacks? No, not really. My libido is somewhat less distracting. Some people report no libido, some no difference. If that becomes an issue you can consult with your doctor and adjust things.
I'm not more energetic, I'm not more lazy. I am still exactly who I was before. However, I'm certain that I'm more pleasant to be around. I think often depression is perceived by others as someone generally being an asshole. I used to very often find myself riding the trainwreck of an interaction, and powerless to stop it.
Personally, my biggest fear was not being able to think if I took antidepressants. If anything, I think better, because I don't waste my brain on unproductive, irrational thinking. I'm not smarter, and I'm not stupider, I just don't have as many obstacles as I used to.
Bottom line: you're not a doctor. You aren't going to a doctor to receive antidepressants, you're going to treat your possible depression. That treatment may include antidepressants, and/or something else.
Go make your appointment.
My experience was an "evening out" of my emotions. If my normal emotional range was 1-10, Lexapro put me between 3 and 8 all the time. Gone were the 1's and 2's (the very low/depressed feelings) but so were the 9's and 10's (the elation / joy). Everything in my life was "okay". Not great, not terrible, just okay.
I don't think it effected my productivity at all, one way or the other. The only drawback I experienced (besides losing joy), was that it somehow screwed up my ability to sense fullness/satiety, so I gained a bunch of weight.
If you think you might be depressed, definitely talk to a professional. Remember (and this is key): the drugs don't actually solve anything. You're still going to have to learn how to deal with whatever issues you have. The drugs just stabilize you so that it's possible for that hard work to begin; but that's really just the beginning of the journey. They're not a long term solution.
Exactly. Taking anti-depressants lifelong for depression is like taking painkiller lifelong for toothache. Unfortunately healing is not as profitable as selling drugs. Because of this it can be really hard to find a doctor who is interesed in healing you instead of in your money.
Edit: I forgot to write about the alternative solutions. Two of them are discussed in the followig books:
- A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine
- How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World by Harry Browne
I do not believe I suffer from depression, but I was recently wondering whether I might perhaps have attention-deficit disorder. It led me down a similar line of questioning, and I realized that if I did have ADHD or something similar, there might be a lot of stigma surrounding that illness and the treatment. I think this stigma of mental illness is a huge problem in our country.
To get to your point, according to Andrew Solomon's INCREDIBLE book about depression The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression there are only two things that have been proven to help with depression: medication and exercise.
I would also suggest that you talk to a psychologist, I have found it incredibly helpful in my own life. They can also reflect very well on this type of question.
Finally, if you are interested particularly in this question towards developers the NodeUp podcast recently had an episode on developer mental health:
From top of my head: - Constant diarrhea - Heightened anxiety - Trembling hands - Gastrointestinal problems - Inability to concentrate - Anorgasmia
I quit this junk at some point. I also quit my corporate job and forgot about doctors. Exercise, cutting down stress, drinking tea and enjoying simple things now. I feel like I'm living again. I spent whole day sitting at park with book today, watching my daughter play and I'm very content.
It might sound like cliché, but that's how it works for me now.
Honestly, I regret that I've ever touched these silly pills.
From my current seasoned POV: depression is just a symptom that tells you that you aren't doing something right in your personal life.
Identify the problems you want to solve, and then go to a Psychiatrist. Don't go to some random doc in the box type place. You want somebody that really understands brain chemistry.
I'd consider going to your primary care physician. It's good to have someone who is concerned with and aware of your entire profile. If necessary he can refer to an appropriate specialist.
(Anecdotally, my experience was that SSRIs had bad side effects and a general dulling of life, but Wellbutrin did much better. I've heard others report the exact opposite though.)
I don't think I need the Pristiq anymore. It was more for anxiety when I was younger (16-20) and it's balanced itself out very well. The Propranolol, however, is probably helping quite a bit as it slows things down.
Yes, you can argue that Vyvanse will speed things up, but it levels me out a great degree — though, not along anxiety lines.
I'm on antidepressants for over ten years. During that time I've been using SSRIs and SNRI is what I take currently. Each of those have side effects - but every one of them depends on individual conditions. In my case - my productivity is lowered to the point I sometimes feel like I do only what I have to do. Before I started - I wrote story a week, each day I made some new scripts testing this or that. Currently - I struggle with writing stories, I lost interest in solving intelectual puzzles. Well, I do draw a bit more than I used to.
From my point of view - I dont shake with fear and panic every moment of the day, but then again I dont create as many things I used to. Everyday cosyness at the price of productivity/creativity.
Definitely go see a doctor, just getting a pamphlet that totally described what I was feeling made me feel better, as it became obvious that it's a normal human thing.
I'd recommend exercise, sleep, spending time with friends/family and CBT as good general solutions, I also like propanalol for dealing with anxiety.
As far as I could tell, the science is ambivalent on SSRIs, but I liked the way they made me feel, and the daily pill was a reminder to myself to go easy on myself as I was I'll.
I started on Bupropion (Wellbutrin) a few years ago because I was feeling low + irritable, and thought meds might have a positive impact. The general groupthink at the time was that taking SS(n)RIs was a solid "not super serious" option for tackling anxiety and depression... that you could just "try it out". Initially I didn`t feel any difference. A little stomach upset, but nothing especially positive or negative. People around me said they`d noticed my mood was uplifted, so I thought "what the heck, may as well continue on with it". Over the months I found myself slipping further and further away from goals, connections, and general "get up and go". But because I still experienced ups and downs (some days were still great, I wasn't completely flat), I just thought I had to "make some positive life changes". To put that in perspective, my life wasn't/isn't anything to complain about: good friends, supportive family, understanding job with good pay, and I'm in good health/fit and work out regularly. But it FELT like nothing was "clicking", that everything I did was meaningless. It really felt like nothing was ever enough, and I would become frustrated that there was no reward in anything I liked doing. Small things could ruin an otherwise great day because my bar was so low. It felt like I was running on empty, in regards to fulfillment. I asked my doctor (who had superscribed me the Bupropion in the first place) if it was safe for me to continue on with it. He said "there was no harm", and suggested it was a benign drug. I took that to heart and continued to believe that my issues with motivation were due to an increasingly severe bout of depression or personal failing. It was only when I confessed to my partner that I had difficulty finding reasons to continue on with life that I started to consider it might not be ME/my brain causing the issue. It wasn't just a bad day that would make me contemplate ending it anymore, it was normal days, days which were nothing special. "Well, this is unimpressive... may as well just end it" was becoming a very blasé everyday thought, and yet I was so detached that I didn't think that was odd, and had no hesitation revealing it. My partner was horrified, naturally, and started looking up the side-effects of Bup. It'd been so long since I'd been on it, that it wasn't an immediately obvious cause and effect, but that was definitely the source of the anhedonia. Within two weeks of ceasing the meds, I feel more and more connected to the world, finding everyday things fulfilling again. It's no longer like scrabbling at little moments of joy: I can actually just sit back and feel good, without a constant barrage of interesting/pleasurable things. Looking back, it's obvious I was having issues, but seeing them from within the very specific brand of null emotion Bupropion created, was impossible. I can still clearly remember that feeling of "everything is pointless" and thinking right after "I better just try harder to find a point" rather than assessing that there might have been something wrong. The fact I could still have really good days/fun times threw me for a real loop. At any rate, that was rambly (side effect #2 = less sharp cognitively, and I'm still regaining my acuity) but hopefully I got the feeling across of losing yourself in the meds.
