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0 pointsJadeNB10y ago0 comments

> Communication between the couple plummets, and is usually one sided, heavily weighted towards the side doing the breakup.

I agree with the first part, but am not so sure about the second. If the breaker-upper doesn't want to break up, then I can believe that he or she will communicate more; but, if the breaker-upper does want to break up, then I can believe that he or she might withdraw and communicate less. (I'm not sure which of these you meant by "heavily weighted towards the side doing the breakup".) Certainly, I have seen both kinds of behaviour in my two failed relationships.

EDIT: As overcast (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10933670) points out, it's strange to speak of the breaker-upper as not wanting to break up. The distinction I'm trying to draw is still a bit slippery, but I guess I mean to distinguish between wanting to break up (where your partner probably couldn't do anything to convince you to stay) and feeling that you have to break up (where your partner might be able to change to convince you to stay). Jtsummers (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10933737) puts it better.

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overcast10y ago

The breaker-upper generally wants to break up right? I mean, that's why they are the breaker-upper.

Jtsummers10y ago

No. Speaking from my somewhat limited experience with serious relationships [0], I can assure you that every time I broke up with a woman, it was not what I wanted. But when someone tells you something like, "I don't love you, and probably never will. We're ok, right?" Even though you may still desire to be with them (emotions are weird and annoying), there's no way to salvage that relationship. Breaking up can often be pre-emptive in dead-end or bad relationships to avoid further heartache. That doesn't make it desired by the breaker-upper.

[0] Those lasting more than a few weeks, or with a more deeply felt emotional connection. Most likely also a desire to have a future with the partner, and not just a series of dates and screwing and then drifting away to find someone new.

JadeNBOP10y ago

I agree that the language was a bit strange. I edited my post to try to clarify, but I think that Jtsummers (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10933737 )'s reply is probably clearer than my edit.

gherkin010y ago

> The breaker-upper generally wants to break up right? I mean, that's why they are the breaker-upper.

People can have mixed feelings about a relationship/SO, especially as the relationship ends.

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