We've already got those niceties (including the ones that you don't care about), and we get them without having to learn Haskell's enormous universe of exotic terminology. How do we get them? We don't use Haskell.
Oh, you get much more, and better with Haskell. (It's just that stuff is currently widely in flux. Not at the base language, but at the level of basic libraries there's great improvements.)
