Sorry, php, not js the second time.
I'm not sure what you mean by read only closures, unless you mean a close which can later modify the enclosing scope, which python supports via the nonlocal keyword but also is decidedly bad, and not something I've ever before heard of as an fp concept.
And as far as I can tell, your entire argument reduces to better lambdas. Which is what you said it wouldn't be. I feel misled. Oh wait you're a different user. Still this point stands. I wouldn't have responded if the expected answer was "better lambdas". You can do better.
I guess the next important question is "what are the things you feel make a language functional, and why are those things valuable"?
There are lots of aspects of functional programming that are good, I personally agree that anonymous functions are not one of them, especially when you have no need for callbacks (python doesn't really).
And it's very possible to write functional code, imo, without anonymous functions. Why do you disagree.