2. You can hook into most if not all of the physics internals by overriding Update() and FixedUpdate() functions.
Unity is definitely less flexible and powerful than rolling an AAA 3D engine and editor.. But that takes years, and 95% of the time there's a way to solve the problem in Unity.
you don't have to roll your own everything for a custom 3d engine, theres a lot of libraries out there. the idea that everyone should use tooling that reminds me of visual basic to make games is weird to me.
2. i don't know about that. my experience is that you don't have easy access to the actual physics code
This fellow’s mindset is a common one, and likely he’s passing it on from his own experience...Telling that engineering culture discourages the shortest routes to creativity