I would use this time to find out how your manager is doing in his/her role. Find out how you can help them. Talk to them about their frustrations and how they are feeling. Just because they are your manager doesn't mean you need to treat them like a boss all the time. Show them some care and empathy. It can go a long way for your career.
- Send an agenda beforehand. This gives your manager an idea about what you'd like to discuss, so then they can prepare themselves and/or not get caught off-guard.
- At the end, I try to ask, "do you have anything for me?", which typically opens the door for them giving you feedback/thoughts if they have it. It also is a nice way to prep myself for receiving feedback vs. it coming without me "opting in."
I wrote about some other ideas on 1-1s in this guide...not sure if useful: https://www.friday.app/p/employee-1-1-meetings
If that isn't the case, then I'm a cog in a feature factory and that's not the job that I want to be in. I know that some companies/teams/managers approach work that way, but that's a very strong counter signal to me.
When I'm going on to my next job, do you think they want to hear what my responsibilities were or what I did at the company that made it succeed? This ties into why I think hiring is broken -- we hire for one set of skills and tend to expect delivery of another.
However, if you mix up what you talk about a lot, then spending some of it on managing up would be pretty smart, just like you likely only talk about their long term career sometimes.
A lot of topics and ideas to discuss here https://getlighthouse.com/blog/one-on-one-meeting-questions-...
Being a manager, especially mid level, can be really lonely. Your boss is often not very available, and then you have a team you're trying to help, but with little training on how to do your job (hence the Peter Principle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle).
So with that in mind, having an employee that actually cares about what your perspective, and wants to help where appropriate will be very helpful.
And this all ties back to being good at managing up, which is a really good skill to develop in your career; if you find the right leader it will lead them to taking you with them as they level up in better and better roles.
If your manager has any self-interest, and isn't an idiot, they will reward people who help them look good. If your manager is an idiot and a sociopath who will instead reward people who aren't helping them look good, obviously don't try this advice.
I am under the impression my manager is trying to get the next role.
If I am able to understand, and perhaps even address, my manager's concerns, then I can help them manage themselves onto the next level.
We are not friends, it's a feudal relationship.
FTFY.
It's like going to therapy and trying to analyze the therapist. Save your money.
Edit: grammer
Those people would try not to show real weakness / vulnerability before groups of people - but just one? Maybe.
I’ve managed to build many a close relationship with people that others considered “the devil wears prada” types this way.
So strongly agree with the parent comment!
If the new manager is joining my existing team as my manager, 1:1 meetings now support my manager's onboarding. The topics are very similar, but I have to be a little more tactful to avoid appearing arrogant or patronizing. I will ask what he/she thinks of the product we work on, or about the system architecture. Once again, I will try to get a feel for the manager's management style, and I will ask about the approach to career development and future 1:1s.
In either case, my number one goal early on in 1:1s is to build rapport. I don't intend this as a "winning favor" type of thing, but rather I need to do my best to build the relationship from my side so that I feel comfortable raising concerns and I can understand where my manager is coming from when inevitably he/she starts making new requests.
I don't like to share a 1:1 agenda until it's clear that the manager respects 1:1s. Otherwise there's a risk that the manager preemptively invites other people to help answer the topics in the agenda.
I try not to rant or complain in 1:1s anymore. I found that my managers' reactions were rarely predictable. Some managers try to solve the problem immediately, and some managers do nothing. Some managers would move me onto another project. Now that I have more experience, if I have a complaint, then I also try to propose a solution.
Finally, I try to avoid using 1:1s for status updates or escalating blockers to my manager. In my mind, these are best done as needed or as soon as possible.
Measured, and with good variation.
* Professional development & engagement (e.g. professional goals, training, engagement, coaching)
* Contribution to company growth (e.g. process improvement, supporting colleagues, training pilot/ buddy programs, any other activities)
* Things done / achievements since last 1on1
* Feedback for the manager (e.g. what he/she could have done better/differently since last 1:1, what you/the team is missing)
In summary: What can be done for you, the team and company aside from just "correct individual contribution".
Try to avoid discussing things related to lifecycle of ongoing projects. Those should be handled within your team's standard execution flow. If there's need to talk more on a 1:1 then probably you have a gap there.
Of course in an ideal world in a company that supports ongoing feedback and people are not afraid to raise any issues on a daily basis it should be just: "Hey, do you have anything to talk about? - Nope, everything we discussed on a daily basis. - Ok, same here".
In the real world, there are always things which "there's never a good time for" and periodical check-up is useful for that just like a team retrospective.
1:1 or not, good manager should not only make everyone safe with giving him/her and everyone feedback but also ask for it if he/she takes the responsibility of taking care of the people seriously.
Even if that's not a part of the culture then it seems to me it makes sense to try to be the leading example (with a clear, expressed explicitly if needed intent of doing this to make everyone's life and cooperation better) if it doesn't put your job at jeopardy.
However, if it is, maybe it's worth considering what future lies ahead for you in the company? This of course depends on personal goals.
Let’s start with the basics. Your manager’s number one job is to unblock your success. Whatever the fuck you need to do your job, the 1:1 is when you discuss it (assuming it can wait until 1:1, sometimes things are more urgent and you just need to grab manager right then).
Be sure to bring proposed solutions not just problems
-bringing a problem: “billy the director from marketing keeps direct messaging me asking for help. I want to help but it’s taking too time” -bringing a solution: same as above, plus “...given the xyz support process, I’m going to send billy an email and cc you, reminding them to follow the process and to reach out to so and so with these issues. If there’s any pushback can you back me up?”
You can also share accomplishments / progress but usually there are other channels for that.
Then as needed the other stuff here makes sense eg build rapport, ask about them, career dev etc
a) this is a performance/compensation review meeting
b) this is a weekly/biweekly/whatever infinitely repeating meeting
I think most managers who ask for 1:1 meetings are talking about case (b). I do.
I don't schedule 1:1 meetings for local employees unless they ask; I do schedule 1:1 meetings for remote employees. My feeling (which I have mentioned to everyone) is that people I see most days have the opportunity to ask questions and bring up concerns any time they feel like it, but a person I can't bump into in the corridor deserves extra time for that.
My 1:1 agenda is loose: tell me if anything isn't going the way you want. Concerns about your work, other employees, the strategic direction of the company... this is an excellent time to bring it up. I can help with technical problems, or discuss the issue and refer you to the right person. Want to go to a conference? Want to tell me about the conference you want to? Anything vaguely company-related in on-topic, and I don't mind diverting off-topic much, because we'll have another meeting next week.
Especially since some people don't really feel comfortable coming to their manager out of band. That makes the structure of "I have a block scheduled you with every week, in perpetuity" super valuable.
Agree with the loose agenda. I try to follow-up on things that came up in previous weeklies, and to make sure we don't forget about commitments, but so much of the value comes from a simple "How are you doing?"
I don't use a formal agenda but our 1:1's do produce explicit action items with one of us assigned and a due date
Nobody wants to be the one coming to his boss with problems; nobody wants to be the only team member to go talk about things that probably bother him given that he never asked about them.
Then obviously he has no idea about the day-to-day work that most of us do, the difficulties we're facing, the lack of motivation of some members, the career or personal aspirations of them, the growing idea of leaving the team of others…
If you never ask, there's a lot you'll never know. It doesn't need to be weekly, but you need to reserve some time at least every few months at the bare minimum.
#2- my career. I'm working towards promotion X, I've made these steps lately, what do you see that I can be doing?
#3- ask for feedback. Has anyone given you any feedback that I need to hear? I can't grow without it.
And then give half the 1:1 time to the manager for things they've brought. Their time is often even more limited than mine.
Sample agenda:
* I did X in situation Y; could I have handled this better?
* I have too many things to do, so which is the priority: A or B?
* I'll do this big thing over the next month, wdyt? etc
I’ve seriously never had 1:1s go anywhere useful. But that’s also because I believe that 75% or more of people are bad managers (it is hard to be a really good one).
Unfortunately though a lot of managers don't know what to do as you suggest, but some of them can be shown a better way.
Putting some things you want on the agenda is a great way to make that change. Then you can take the temperature to what they will be open to.
Working backwards though, this is why you should interview your future manager really hard before signing on to the job...to make sure you have one of those 25% that are good (based on your number)
But those enlightened managers are rare.
And then the flaw with interviewing your manager is that you often can’t control your manager once you’re hired. I’m currently on manager number four, just one year in to my current role. The other ones all quit or were interim managers.
So for me, it just seems so much more likely to fail than succeed that it’s hard not to take it as a probable waste of time. I wish I could just say no thanks, I don’t want to have 1:1s.
We usually talk about what's going on around the office, how the current project is going, what's going on with coworkers and what the plans in the future are. I will bring up blockers/promotion talks/holidays anything that I need his help with. We're pretty informal about it.
It all depends on the manager and their personality. I find it's better to be casual and not have a strict agenda though.
1. Delegate up. If you have blockers that we haven't talked about already out of 1:1 cycle, bring that first so that we can figure out how to knock it down.
2. The MOST valuable thing is for you to educate me. When I was a manager, it was impossible to stay current on every technical topic I needed to know. The IC working with the tech every day learns that all naturally -- boil it down to the most important and tell me that. That is the information that I crave, and will also use to educate the next level up. (Oh, BTW, if your organization seems to be allergic to this kind of upward-flowing education flow, that is a Bad Sign(TM).)
As it's too long for a HN comment I hope you don't mind my "publishing" it on Google Docs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1R4j84c7gHRn1Q3xmwg5h18La...
Feel free to give this to your manager to help them consider how to use the 1:1 and make it better for the both of you.
- the most important: prepare in advance! Summarize all what you have done during the year.
- if the template has graded items, think of a realistic grade, then add one, everywhere. Usually in my copy of the template I also answer some of the questions that were for my manager :) I do that completely naively. Sometimes your manager had no time time to prepare, so you are actually helping.
- during the interview be positive: you are fine, work is fine, ... prepare a few points where improvement is needed, but nothing really serious.
- usually your manager has limited freedom when it comes to your salary (contrary to HR), so do not annoy him with this. In my company I do not even talk about money with my manager. Keep your discontent for HR and your manager on your side.
With that method in my current company I got good raises.
The golden rule is: say positive things about yourself and your work. If you do not, nobody will.
She's not the typical manager though. I feel like if I ever get another company interested in me I'll have no idea how the real world really reacts because the opco of my company moves to the beat of its own drum and my office even more so.
Our 1:1 meeting are just monthly "here's your production from the last month we've completed the data on" which we get weekly via email from the team leads anyway, we sign it and never get a copy and it gets filed away to never be seen again as per standard bureaucratic make-work. Mangers just use it as a chance to point out any errors you are making repetitively and see if you have any questions or concerns.
At the start you want to simply build some rapport and get a feel for their work style. Ask them about how they prefer certain things like project updates and how to handle problems that arise.
Then, as you get comfortable, your 1 on 1s can and should cover a wide variety of topics: - Your Career Growth / areas of interest you have - Suggestions for improving you/your team's work - Problems you want their help with / what they think of the solution you came up with - Personal issues that could affect your work (babies, funerals, long term sickness of loved ones, divorces, etc) - Praise things your manager did you like so they do more of it (They're human too...let em know) - If they're open to it, feedback you have for them - FYIs that you may know about that they may not have visibility to and will want to monitor (see Andy Grove's "Black box of management" https://medium.com/@iantien/top-takeaways-from-andy-grove-s-...) - Things you want to lobby for (changes, class you want to take, a project, a certain assignment, etc)
More detail on how to approach your 1 on 1s that I've sent to employees here: https://getlighthouse.com/blog/effective-1-on-1-meetings/
In my experience it depends greatly on what sort of rapport you have with this manager. Can you read his personality? If you barely know the person and think he might be a stickler for detail and protocol, then keep your agenda to positive topics. Focus on your accomplishments and anything you plan that has a direct contribution to the company. Avoid anything negative, it might come back to haunt you. This is the safest path.
If you have reasonable rapport then I would suggest to still stick to being positive, but you could very diplomatically raise any issues that might be negatively impacting the company. What I mean is that instead of saying something like "This open plan office is too noisy and I can't concentrate" say: "Sometimes the office gets quite noisy. Perhaps these conditions could be distracting for some of the staff and impact upon productivity." If you get asked how it affects you then you could say: "I use noise cancelling headphones to minimise the impact and maintain my workflow." Of course that presumes you have such headphones. The above is merely an example of how to recast comments so that you don't look like a complainer. If in doubt, don't.
The next 1:1 will be much easier because you have the experiences from the first one to guide you.
The advice of avoiding bringing "negative" things and using the session as almost a celebration of your success is massively missing the potential usefulness of these sessions!
If your boss doesn't know about impedance to your productivity, how can they possibly help you?
Everything doesn't suck all the time.
There are pockets of good and bad. Be pragmatic. Don't nucleate a culture of defeatism and make everyone think you only care about your paycheck and not your coworkers and their own struggles.
Not everyone is like this. But I can point to a number of examples of this.
I understand the initiative is from the boss's side. Is it just a formal way to align with policies, or a way to keep everyone on their toes, or a genuine two-way communication channel?
If it's a formal thing, then just play along, whatever style this boss is expecting.
There're even ridiculous cases, when a boss decided to project 'openness' by putting a jar of candies in his office... with the expectations that people would have this as a reason to come in. Not a bad idea in general (taught in trainings) ... except the candies were mostly subpar, halloween kind, the boss won't eat these either. Still, the game was clear, and his employees were showing up for 'a candy', those that did made the boss happy.
If it's 'I'm the boss' kind, then it's kinda formal too. So either come up with a question that would highlight his expertise or you own humblness.
The easiest part is when it's two-way. Almost no pretense needed. His time is as much or more valuable to him as yours. So the meetings will have some practical reason to them. Either assign, solve, retro, or 'address' something. Make sure you're aware of the reasons to meet, if needed probe in advance.
Also use this to your advantage - _ask_ sometimes to meet. There're should be plenty of ways to find a practical topic to discuss. As an example, with a new boss a possible topic could be 'aligning priorities'. If possible, find ways to establish such a two-way channel.
1) Determine if I am still meeting expectations
2) Figure out what I should be working on. This sounds dumb, but if you work on a varied set of projects/tasks that change all the time like I do, then figuring out priority isn't always obvious. I like to use these sessions to help refocus me to make sure I'm on whatever path my manager feels adds the most value to the business. Because everyone can drift into things over time that are interesting, but not necessarily what is needed by the business.
3) What new stuff can I do? Are there any new projects coming up? Any new skills I should be trying to get or things I should be studying up on?
Essentially, these three things are making sure my career goals are at least somewhat where I want them to be and they are in line with what the company needs/wants from me. Those items are how I get there. It may vary depending on the specific position a person has.
One thing to remember is that 1:1 time is YOUR time, not your boss's time. They can schedule a meeting with you any time for their topics, but 1:1s are always your chance to have face time alone with them.
It's up to you what to talk about, but as a manager, I don't need status updates. If I'm a good manager, then I already know what you're up to, so let's talk about something _you_ want to talk about. You don't need to inform me of your day-to-day work, unless that's what you want to talk about.
My boss and I talk about a lot of things, but rarely status updates on projects. The topics tend to revolve around organizational changes, obstacles that my team and I are running into, personnel issues, or company strategic/tactical considerations.
My 1:1 is also a great time to talk about career development. Every other 1:1 I ask my boss how I'm doing, and if he says "You're great", I push a little bit more on something I can improve. He usually comes up with _something_.
I know a lot of ICs feel it's rude or inappropriate to bring up raises or career direction, so I try to bring it up for them every other month or so. Things like "How do you like the direction of your role? Is there something else you'd like to work on? Have your career goals changed? Do you want to talk about that?"
I also take the time in 1:1s to get to know them on a personal level. One of my team members is having a baby in a few weeks, another one is competing in an Ironman in a few months, and a third is going through a divorce. These kinds of things don't directly apply to the job at hand, but it does have several benefits, such as letting them know that I care about them personally and giving me context that might explain aberrant behavior. Plus, it's just nice when someone asks about how you're doing, right?
Like I said at the beginning, I'll make a Slack thread with my boss. This week's looks something like this:
- <employee> performance plan
- <project> pivot
- <employee>'s annual review is coming up, compensation adj?
- <project> budget exploded, what happened?
- <another manager> seems to struggle with <project>. How can I help?
etc, etc.
Hope that helps. Good luck.
Sometimes I've nothing but that "Project Progress Summary", sometimes I've got some road blocks I'd like to share, other times I've got a bundle of miscellany or brainstorming items on it.
I take notes on a pad of paper during the meeting, take photos with my phone, and if anything of substance happened in the meeting, I might transcribe them so that I can find them with a quick grep of the meetings folder.
These are for managers but can be flipped to find agenda/ questions for direct reports.
1. Personal chit-chat. 2. Review of your work commitments and what your boss can do to help you. 3. Review of personal development commitments and what your boss can do to help you. 4. What questions do you have for your boss about your business, department, or team. 5. Share specific feedback for your manager, ask for specific feedback.
It's very important to have those commitments set quarterly or at worst annually. You should set double-length 1:1s for those sessions.
Most of the list will be about whatever the issues of the week are.
In terms of recurring items, the only thing that stands out is that I try to have a career conversation with my reports at least once a quarter.
(I also time-stamp the list so I can see when we had conversations historically, which is occasionally useful)
Key word: you. Key point: the agenda was employee-led, and it encouraged open and honest feedback.
Many managers focus on what ‘they’ want to discuss in 1:1 meetings, but the best people managers, in my experience, also ensure that the employee’s views are represented.
- How are you feeling?
- What are you excited about?
- What do you have the most anxiety about?
- What could we do better?
Then we discuss any administrative things, blockers, and there's a "What else" section at the end.
1. What am I doing that I should continue?
2. What am I doing that I should stop doing?
3. What should I start doing
If manager is open, you can say same things about her.
More succinctly:
1. Start
2. Stop
3. Continue
The manager's job is to unblock and empower as much as anything.
Managers need insight into the health of their teams and how their reports think, feel, and operate. 1:1s are a fantastic sounding board for this.
When a manager has weekly 1:1 meetings, time to find a new job...and fast. That is a major red flag if the manager unable to keep track of the team OR upper management is getting ready for layoffs.
In fact, when go through the interview process once question I ask is are their views on 1:1 meeting, how often are they, are they mandated by upper management or just the manager's preference.
However, when a manager uses 1 on 1s for what they're actually for (career growth, feedback, blockers, coaching, praise, etc) they have the best teams and best performance, because they make sure the employee stays motivated and the team as a whole operates better.
I've uncovered so many problems that would have otherwise blown up later, as well as found tons of ways to better motivate team members from them, I can't imagine not having them, nor ever working for someone who doesn't do them.
I think of my job as a manager as supporting and empowering my team to be productive and making sure they are happy with their work, this was just one way for me to do so.
Given your preference for less 1:1's, I would be interested to hear your take.
Anyway, I think monthly would be fine as long as it focused on career growth, goals, etc. I am a tad bit of biased since I have had bosses who use 1:1's to stay up to date with projects and work while ignoring the entire team and was on the golf course the rest of the week.
Of course I am not talking about deliberately keeping your boss in the dark, that is a problem for another thread. I am not for 1:1s being used for "phoning it in" from a lazy manager.
- status of current projects and resources that I manage (I am a manager myself)
- priorities and direction changes
- help needed, in any kind: escalations, resources, etc
From time to time, about every 3 months:
- feedback and intermediate performance review
- work plan updates
- strategy updates
Your 1 on 1 could be so much more: your career growth, situations you want help with, feedback and ideas for them, things you want coaching on, any issues they should know about (like say a sick/dying family member), etc
The last time we spent 15 minutes to discuss my idea of re-engineering the technical platform I own; my manager does not have the deep technical knowledge to understand the details and implications of the change, but I need his support to make it happen (to convince others, to allocate resource, etc) so I had to explain and convince him it is the right thing to do. The discussion was based on the 10 slides with diagrams that I sent a week before.
For a standard 1 hour 1:1
15 minutes for anything from the previous meeting that needed my action.
15 minutes for them to speak
15 minutes for me to speak
15 minutes for any sort of HR action or performance feedback
The common argument I hear (from managers and others) is 'but we just want a time that's guaranteed reserved, in case you need it'. But that's a calendar problem, not a 1-1 problem. If a manager needs to put me on the 'calendar' to be sure that they can talk to me, they've failed as a manager.
TL;DR: '1-1' meetings are unnecessary when you have a manager who understands communication and realizes their job is to help you succeed, not 'supervise' you.
I'll just paste here my notes for the meetings I've had with my manager/CTO for the last few months. It's a running note so start from the bottom. Some items are more clear than others but it's my own notes. You will see some items like asking for access to something, asking their/company's opinion about things, suggesting ideas for better workflows, complaining with no solution yet, asking to clear up genuine confusion, comments about certain recent events, etc.
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Involved in Machine learning, with employee Y
What raise will I get?
--
how Can we use our product as a client
Dubai 3 weeks remote
holidays minus. not paid or next year
standing desk for sharing
working less hours or days
okrs
—
https://twitter.com/notbrent/status/1159935844888637440?s=21
Bandung. progress as user story lead
yeh cheez
—
external therapists for devs
how do you handle time and requests and work
---
talk RN EU
still under a lot of work with travis
Friday off for a month?
month open source
Friday morning open source
--
sentry access
demo?
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I Became gql head somehow?
proud of purge
react native pr for crashes
review cool
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slack repo, we can archive it for slack questions, check the numbers doc.
budget for react Amsterdam?
————
Prs for small things lead to small things not being changed. Maybe I need a better way to work. Maybe we all need one. I find things to fix while working. I can’t create an issue, wait, create a pr, wait, then keep going.
Too many slack channels, everyone talks privately. Delete old.
Too many branches. Delete old.
strange. what does employee X do? not complaint, just curious.
Managers are supposed to delegate tasks to you, not the other way around.
If you are delegating tasks to your manager, (as opposed to your manager saying something like, "I'm going to assign this task to XXX," or "I'm going to go try and get team YYY to do ZZZ,") then your manager isn't really managing.
In software engineering? Not really. They aren't engineers, they can't delegate anything because they have no idea what to do or how to do it.
In SE, the best managers can do is be helpers in non-technical tasks, like manage the attendance system for you or talk to other departments when your issue tracker goes down or if there's an internet connection problem in the office, and so on. Make sure nothing distrupts your work, in other words.
> If you are delegating tasks to your manager, (as opposed to your manager saying something like, "I'm going to assign this task to XXX,"
Managers cannot, without any input from the engineers, assign tasks, because they have no idea what the task affects, the impacts, the risks, difficulties etc. Their so-called decisions that touch on the technical side are 99% based on the engineers' input. The engineers say this is critical and explain why and the manager says "oh well, then you and you should fix it asap!".
Sometimes a manager is useful for aggregating the data flowing in and out of the team, as the team's single point of entry for various people, kind of like a reception or secretary in a sense. Again, to let the engineers work on their stuff.
Or, the manager could present some business requirements, although for that you should have a PO, but suppose it's the manager. Even then, they're not delegating as in commanding the people to do something, they're just asking the engineers to work on a solution, something which the manager has no idea how to do. It's like, if I call a plumber to fix something, I'm not delegating the work to the plumber because I have no idea how to do it myself, I'm simply asking the plumber to provide a service. I'm not the plumber's "boss", the plumber is the expert, I'm simply asking their expert opinion on how to proceed.
> then your manager isn't really managing
They are never managing anything, at least from my oh I don't know, about 16 years of experience working at companies big and small.
Next, assuming the challenges you speak of are technical, the manager is no use talking to because they're not an engineer. The manager of course should know of technical difficulties to understand risks of delays, but that works through inviting them to engineer meetings where the team presents its consensus on the matter.
