Show HN: Read my semi-stealth copy

6 pointsnmaio15y ago11 comments

I'm trying to come up with a semi-stealth "about" for my newest project. The point is to give a little (clever) insight on the project, but not to give the farm away. Please let me know what you think...

"Want to pay $34/month or get roped into a six month contract? We know the perfect match for you. But it's NOT us.

Want to answer more than 400 pointless questions? We know a place that can give you such harmony. But it's NOT us.

Want to join a site that's all about free and all about flakes? We know a great spot for you to fish. But it's NOT us.

AKChances is different. And different is good."

If you want to see it on the web, the landing page is http://akchances.com and the about is http://akchances.com/about

11 comments

unignorant15y ago

A few comments:

I found that page-loads were a bit slow. And if I hadn't come from HN, I doubt that I would have clicked on "learn more", so you may want to move your copy directly to the landing page. Also, you might improve the typography.

The copy itself seems pretty good. I think you mixed in the right amount of subtlety. If I had to reword:

---

Want to pay $34/month on a six month contract? We have a match for you. But not us.

Want to answer 400 pointless questions? We can find you harmony. But not us.

Want something all about free and all about flakes? We have a spot for you to fish. But not us.

AKChances is different. And different is good.

---

I have little expertise in building/market landing pages, so take my advice with a grain of salt ;-)

nmaioOP15y ago

Moving the "learn more" copy to the landing page is definitely a possibility, but I feel like it might be too much text. And yeah, the way you reworded the copy makes it smoother for sure. I need to tweak it some more per your suggestions. Thanks for the detailed response, unignorant.

Animus715y ago

I think this is might be too stealth. I checked out the site and I still have no clue what your company is doing.

DanielStraight15y ago

I thought the exact opposite. To me, it's completely obvious it's a dating website. The about page is referencing Match.com, eHarmony and Plenty of Fish, other dating sites.

triviatise15y ago

good call on your part. Im annoyed I didnt figure it out before I read your post. You should have posted SPOILER :)

I thought it was extremely clever (possibly too clever) but good nonetheless.

ricefield15y ago

this guy gets it.

amyshelton15y ago

I have to agree with too stealth. You are trying to generate interest by getting people to think. The problem is that most web surfers don't want to think. And you have to realize that the people on this forum from whom you are asking advice generally like to think and solve puzzles. I'd suggest getting some feedback via feedbackroulette.com to help round out your survey.

PonyGumbo15y ago

Unrelated to your copy, but you probably want to center your background image and set your background color to black, because above 1280x1024 it looks broken (I'm at 1680x1050).

WillyF15y ago

Do you think your market is people who already use dating sites? Or do you think you'll be convincing people to try their first dating site?

nmaioOP15y ago

I would say both. For dissatisfied people to leave their current dating sites (or ones they've used in the past). And for people who would never pay $34/month or want to go through the painful process of answering hundreds of pointless questions.

revorad15y ago

This is much better stealth - http://dabble.in/

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse

Show HN: Read my semi-stealth copy

6 pointsnmaio15y ago11 comments

"Want to pay $34/month or get roped into a six month contract? We know the perfect match for you. But it's NOT us.

Want to answer more than 400 pointless questions? We know a place that can give you such harmony. But it's NOT us.

Want to join a site that's all about free and all about flakes? We know a great spot for you to fish. But it's NOT us.

AKChances is different. And different is good."

If you want to see it on the web, the landing page is http://akchances.com and the about is http://akchances.com/about

11 comments

unignorant15y ago

A few comments:

The copy itself seems pretty good. I think you mixed in the right amount of subtlety. If I had to reword:

---

Want to pay $34/month on a six month contract? We have a match for you. But not us.

Want to answer 400 pointless questions? We can find you harmony. But not us.

Want something all about free and all about flakes? We have a spot for you to fish. But not us.

AKChances is different. And different is good.

---

I have little expertise in building/market landing pages, so take my advice with a grain of salt ;-)

nmaioOP15y ago

Animus715y ago

I think this is might be too stealth. I checked out the site and I still have no clue what your company is doing.

DanielStraight15y ago

I thought the exact opposite. To me, it's completely obvious it's a dating website. The about page is referencing Match.com, eHarmony and Plenty of Fish, other dating sites.

triviatise15y ago

good call on your part. Im annoyed I didnt figure it out before I read your post. You should have posted SPOILER :)

I thought it was extremely clever (possibly too clever) but good nonetheless.

ricefield15y ago

this guy gets it.

amyshelton15y ago

PonyGumbo15y ago

Unrelated to your copy, but you probably want to center your background image and set your background color to black, because above 1280x1024 it looks broken (I'm at 1680x1050).

WillyF15y ago

Do you think your market is people who already use dating sites? Or do you think you'll be convincing people to try their first dating site?

nmaioOP15y ago

revorad15y ago

This is much better stealth - http://dabble.in/

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse