I'm sorry, I honestly don't understand what distinction you're trying to point out. If someone's preferred pronoun is "she", for example, and I refer to her as a "they", then that's the wrong pronoun, isn't it? That's literally the definition of "wrong", at least the definition I understand. The right pronoun is "she" and other pronouns such as "he" and "they" and "it" are, by exclusion, wrong.

But it seems like you're saying there's some kind of complex relation where sometimes people don't get to choose their own pronouns, but other people get to choose which one out of many to use based on convenience. Maybe it would help my understand if you could provide a chart relating the pronouns someone chooses with the pronouns other people are then allowed to use?