Really appreciate the effort that you've put into this post but it's 99% saying you can do better but without examples of stacks that would be better. For those who don't have your knowledge could you provide some examples?
Rather than specific examples, let me provide terms to google, as these are now such rich spaces that even a list of examples would be impoverish. Google "message bus"; there's half-a-dozen solid production options you can deploy yourself, and all the major clouds have at least one option, often more. Pervasively use a message bus in your architecture and you can't hardly help but end up programming in a very Erlang-esque fashion.
"Database"; no longer is an SQL database over a socket your only option. Some databases even combine a bit of message bus functionality, like Redis, or Postgres.
Restarting and reliability: Process-level restarting of much smaller processes has become popular with things like Kubernetes, Docker, and even just plain ol' Systemd. (This is one place that I will assert that systemd is better than the init.d-based system, which had a solid story on how to start processes but a very ad-hoc one on restarting failed processes.) Internally, consult your favorite language for monitors or restarts within a process; I've got one for Go called suture. Getting an idiomatic restart into a language depends on tons of details and I don't have a good sense of the options across dozens of languages. Note this only really matters if your language and program is handling a lot of things at once in a single process, which is not always the case.
That's most of what would matter, I think. Most of the rest of Erlang like "pattern matching", well, do whatever they do in your language. Which may be pattern matching.
