Consider doing this:

1.) Every month, schedule two hours with your wife to go over your finances.

1.a.) The first time you sit down, look for, select, and integrate your bank account(s) and credit cards to an online budget app. YNAB is a good recommendation, but there are others.

1.b.) Either the first or the second time you sit down, categorize all of your expenses in your online budget app, and use that to get a strong understanding of your monthly expenses.

1.c.) Every time you meet going forward, categorize all of your new expenses.

2.) Once you have your monthly expenses in order, look for a savings - spending ratio to budget towards. We've had success with the 50/30/20 plan, but there are others.

3.) Then, with your savings target in mind, at your next monthly review meeting, create a realistic budget in your online budget app.

Remember that your savings rate includes your 401K (Pillar 2) and IRA & Roth IRAs (Pillar 3) retirement accounts.

I also recommend listening to several online sources for advice and inspiration. These include the Money Guys and Dave Ramsey, both of whom can be found on YouTube. Also read the Bogleheads forum and Personal Finance and Financial Independence subreddits.