"... but wherever I interfaced with people writing/maintaining Perl code, it was the most hastily thrown together crap"
The badly written stuff needs more "maintenance", and the people who need to work on it are more likely to complain (and I think you're stuck on confirmation bias).
In the late-90s, the early web gold rush was on, and a lot of amateurs started writing perl in a hurry as their first language. The fact that they could do anything at all is actually pretty amazing, and I'd say that's a point in perl's favor.
