I emailed support and Alan was super helpful. I think I'm all set (or at least close).
For me, the key was discovering that while both my native and docker builds fail, my Dockerfile.render builds (which use the heroku buildpack) magically work AND I could use that Dockerfile.render build for the Cron Job (I don't think I would have figured out that I could just plop in that Dockerfile Path in the Advanced section).
I have no experience with Docker (someone set up docker-compose stuff for us like 4 years ago as a student project, but I haven't used it). So it was a little overwhelming for me when the Render migration tool thrust Docker on me.
Still testing out some things before configuring my DNS. I'm sure in a week you'll never hear from me again (because things will just work). I enjoy how snappy the Render interface is. Maybe more of a walkthrough (with screenshots) on the cron jobs doc?