You’re mostly correct, for me, it is mainly about who I am at my core. However, being rejected on technical grounds guides me either toward addressing the deficiency or something else I’m better suited to.

While I think it is important to be volitional in making my choices, sometimes singlemindedness in this regard can blind me to the gifts of things I did not choose. So sometimes self love manifests as making myself available to receive the unexpected, the thing I could not envision for myself that is actually much better for me.

But maybe you are a rude fellow who doesn't take appropriate care for his hygiene and is just generally a burden on everyone around you. There is no hard line between "who you really are" and things everyone ought to fix about themselves. And it is changing over time, at one point being obese was a thing everyone ought to fix but today it is socially acceptable, as the median American is obese.