Narcissism is an excessive interest in one's physical appearance or image, and an excessive preoccupation with one's own needs. It is excessive self-interest, not any self-interest at all.

Example 1: Self-preservation is the interest in preserving the self over others. But it is not narcissism to consider what you need to keep yourself alive and healthy, before you consider others' welfare. It would be narcissism if somebody was drowning and you first needed to look at your reflection in the water before you tried to save them.

Example 2: If you say "I want you to know that I really enjoyed those cookies you gave me," you are considering your own self-interest, but only in the context of trying to communicate a feeling of joy to the other party with the intent of causing them joy (that they gave you joy). In that case your interest was actually in the other party, not yourself, even if the origin of the act came from a reflection of your own pleasure. On the other hand, it would be narcissism to go on a 30 minute rant of how exactly you want cookies to be made that the other party never asked for.

Example 3: Thinking "I am not currently on fire" and being happy about that is a reflection on one's desires, but not an excessive one. On the other hand, sitting for 30 minutes just wallowing in the feeling of your superiority for not being on fire, or telling other people how great it is that you're not on fire [when nobody asked], would probably border on narcissism. It would definitely be narcissism to tell a burn victim that you are happy you are not on fire.

Also:

> What about when others do things you appreciate, that are generous, to others, but not you? What do we call that?

Doing a good deed? Compersion? Joy? Compassion? Sympathy? Mudita? Mitfreude? What were you trying to imply it was?

This is incorrect. You have a definition error.

GRAT'ITUDE, noun [Latin gratitudo, from gratus, pleasing. See Grace.]

An emotion of the heart, excited by a favor or benefit received; a sentiment of kindness or good will towards a benefactor; thankfulness. gratitude is an agreeable emotion, consisting in or accompanied with good will to a benefactor, and a disposition to make a suitable return of benefits or services, or when no return can be made, with a desire to see the benefactor prosperous and happy. gratitude is a virtue of the highest excellence, as it implies a feeling and generous heart, and a proper sense of duty.

KINDNESS, noun [from kind, the adjective.]

1. Good will; benevolence; that temper or disposition which delights in contributing to the happiness of others, which is exercised cheerfully in gratifying their wishes, supplying their wants or alleviating their distresses; benignity of nature. kindness ever accompanies love.

There is no man whose kindness we may not sometime want, or by whose malice we may not sometime suffer.

2. Act of good will; beneficence; any act of benevolence which promotes the happiness or welfare of others. Charity, hospitality, attentions to the wants of others, etc., are deemed acts of kindness or kindnesses

NARCISSISM, noun

An exceptional interest in and admiration for yourself.

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There's an important word in that definition of narcissism: "exceptional." Showing gratitude cannot constitute narcissism as such.

Please stop trying to redefine words.

feeling gratitude is not at all narcissistic.