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0 pointsmatheusmoreira3y ago0 comments

> I don’t see what the problem is.

The problem is the transaction is unbalanced. They got help when they needed and refused to help when called upon. Someone took more than they gave and there's no real way to address the issue so the only sensible thing to do is to avoid putting oneself in such a position in the first place.

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necovek3y ago

It's not a "transaction", it's a relationship: they are never perfectly balanced.

It's also hard to measure one's contribution in a relationship (hey, maybe they were a really good listener; or maybe they can't find time to help you move, but when your kids get sick, they'll move the world to get the best possible care for them?), so let's not go and introduce quick-and-simple rules for what definitely are relations on a case-by-case basis.

matheusmoreiraOP3y ago

Yes, it is hard. It's okay if it's a little unbalanced. Thing is a lot of altruistic people end up getting stuck in a pattern they're there for everyone but nobody is there for them. That seriously hurts.

landryraccoon3y ago

Yeah, I agree. It's a problem with the world. But it's not generally a problem you can solve.

The problem that you solve is information. You don't know who's trustworthy and who isn't. If I can give a small amount of help to someone in exchange for knowing if they are trustworthy or not, that's probably worth it.

The people that reciprocate you can keep in your life and they become valuable friends. I am more than happy with the tradeoff of sometimes giving people some help that they don't reciprocate in exchange for finding the ones that will.

matheusmoreiraOP3y ago

> If I can give a small amount of help to someone in exchange for knowing if they are trustworthy or not, that's probably worth it.

That's a life skill I had to learn. I was raised believing that if I was a good altruistic person all that goodness would come back to me. Well, way too many times it didn't and it was extremely frustrating until I figured out how to deal with it.

Sometimes it's okay to be selfish. It stops people from taking advantage.

kinos3y ago

Maybe stop having transactional friendships?

matheusmoreiraOP3y ago

Sure, I'd love to have real friendships where friends stay by my side through the good and bad times. Unfortunately it turned out to be difficult to make good friends like that. So I've decided to never do anything that leads to these expectations and "you owe me" situations.

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necovek3y ago

It's not a "transaction", it's a relationship: they are never perfectly balanced.

matheusmoreiraOP3y ago

landryraccoon3y ago

Yeah, I agree. It's a problem with the world. But it's not generally a problem you can solve.

matheusmoreiraOP3y ago

> If I can give a small amount of help to someone in exchange for knowing if they are trustworthy or not, that's probably worth it.

Sometimes it's okay to be selfish. It stops people from taking advantage.

kinos3y ago

Maybe stop having transactional friendships?

matheusmoreiraOP3y ago

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse