> Pleroma also isn't RoR and is really designed to scale out better

Sure ... but that's not what I was talking about. It's still talking ActivityPub and that seems, to me, from my low use, few user instance, to be an extremely chatty protocol. I don't know if the ActivityPub traffic scales linearly with users but it would be a not inconsiderable number for 30k users.

My understanding is that Pleroma was first and foremost designed to have a small memory footprint for small instances. As an Elixir program running on the BEAM (Erlang) runtime it ought to scale a lot better, but serious work had to be put into that. Not sure it's running on any sites as big as the big Mastodon ones.