> At 43, having kids is harder for women, but usually not for men (well, at least making babies: bringing up kids does get a bit harder as you age regardless of the gender).

And regardless, do consider adoption, even as a single parent. There are loads of kids taken away from parents who for whatever reason can't really care for them. Often there's a generational component: the kid's grandparent abused or couldn't support the parent; the parent ended up in foster care, exited out of the system at 18 with no support network, got pregnant, and can't really support the child. If they're not placed with an adoptive family, they spend the rest of their lives in foster care and repeat the cycle. You can make a world of difference.

My first marriage took a long time to resolve itself; by the time I married again, and we figured out that we were having fertility problems, my wife was "over the cliff" fertility-wise. We adopted a little one and he's been a real joy. You are wired to connect with children, and children are wired to connect with you; those circuits in your brain can't read DNA.

Obviously you need to get your own life sorted out first: lack of work and depression feeding into each other are major contributing factors to the problems the kids' biological parents have taking care of them. But get your head in the right space, a good support network around you, and a steady income, and there's no reason you can't be welcome a child into your family. Obviously having a partner can make the burden easier, but there were plenty of single-parent adopters in the "cohort" going through the adoption process with us. It's definitely do-able.

Second that age thing, 43 is not 'too old' for a man, past prime yes but definitely doable if your health is OK in that area. As a person who has 2 young kids (first when 39, second at 41) - in some regards I am much better parent than younger me, the only problem that probably got worse with age (for me) is patience. But parents are required to have endless amount of patience anyway and I've seen even otherwise stellar parents to lose it more than once when pushed enough. If you don't feel up to it anymore, look for single moms and give some proper good into the world, it desperately needs it now more than ever. Don't let (often ancient) social norms of your specific place rule your life, science is on your side.

Tons of other good advices here - if you think you really are suicidal (and not just fleeting emotion in the lowest position), get professional help, even if it means moving away. You owe to yourself as much as to anybody else, including your closest family. Otherwise try to get a job you want and like, AND get into some sports, whatever it is. Being active brutally increases mood, happiness and often integrates you with like-minded people. On top of usual stuff like better sleep, sex, longer better life overall etc.

Do some 'charity' work, helping unknown people with whatever, its extremely rewarding. Attempt in some way to overcome procrastination, attack it from different angles, ie set up appointments that you would feel ashamed to cancel later.

> At 43, having kids is harder for women, but usually not for men

Finding a partner becomes hard, especially if you expect her to be 5-10 years younger.

I used to be rather successful with women, was never single, always could find someone easily. I'm 45, in good shape with a good job, but it has became much harder.

Also, men can circumvent fertility issues by dating younger. I know two 40+ men who started families with 20+ women, and so far so good.

I agree that starting a family is very much still a possibility but also would suggest that it doesn't have part of a solution. Marriage and kids bring their own challenges and make any turn-around much harder.

I think solving your personal issues and the job should come first.

Second that.

I wish people would avoid not rejecting "it's too late for kids at 43".

The more implicit affirmation you hear on HN it strengthens that false belief.