Based on our non-biased investigation, our rate of screws in pizzas isn't any higher than that of our competitors. (subtext: Financial incentive)
If you want less screws in pizzas, maybe you should petition your representatives in government [who we've paid off to ignore the issue]
In fact, we'd support any legislative action to subsidize investment into improving the rates of screws in pizzas across the industry because we care about your well-being so much [as long as there's no oversight over how those funds are actually used, papa needs a new Ford F150]
