In that case I would take some time, be loving and kind to yourself, enjoy life, and consider what you would really like to do. Learn about a bunch of different things.

Then, go gradually. Learn to take one small step at a time. Read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, which has a lot of wisdom about this subject. The Tao Te Ching is another great example of literature on wisdom and patience.

If you doubt yourself and don’t want to, then you need to accumulate small victories consistently over a long period of time. Write down in one place all of the things that you have accomplished and keep adding to it all the time. Call it a brag journal if you will. Eventually the evidence will accumulate that you are capable of what you want to do.

Finally, I recommend therapy and professional coaching to really break through any underlying psychological barriers that you have e.g. pathological belief systems. My email is open if you want to talk further.