Agree, the pandemic didn't hit the way I expected and I've heard many with similar experiences. This type of response (generally speaking, not necessarily you) may for some be driven by hypervigilance, as one of the ways it manifests is a level of calm in emergencies when others are freaking out. Rather paradoxical on the surface, but has to do with adaptation to certain stress levels and threat/friend response. The pandemic made a lot of friends into threats, if you were trying to avoid covid. Safety came from a greater level of suspicion and alertness to surroundings; an unhealthy response in everyday life but rather suitable for a pandemic. Another example is soldiers who come back from war can feel really out of place in civilian life, but in wartime can feel like they're 'home'.