Ask HN: Are You a Failure?

I am 35, I live on welfare and I never had a real job, only worked as a freelancer (never earned much, just a few thousands). My portfolio used to be okay a few years ago, but I was never able to capitalize on it and my programming skills because I have an inferiority complex due to the fact I don't have a degree. Of course abusive family, etc didn't help and they brought financial problems.

If you met me you wouldn't be able to tell I'm this ruined because I can socialize without problems, I'm not addicted to substances and I'm generally well liked (people invite me to events, etc). I just had a string of bad coincidences and I got thrown out of society.

especially in Italy, I feel once you go off the tracks it's hard to get back in society.

I'm in my 30s, and despite being a gifted kid, moving to a first world country, speaking 3 languages and making great pay as a senior eng, I still feel like a failure for:

- Not having my own business

- Not managing people at the moment or doing many leadership activities

- Not having 7 figures networth

- Being a homeowner, but still paying mortgage for the next 10 years

- Not being yet an excellent communicator, and oh boy, I did invest sooo many hours into this

We all feel like this sometimes, despite many achievements, it's part of being a human to desire for more, and admire others for making it much further than us.

Nevertheless, I think we need to appreciate what we've got going for us, no matter how small that thing is, because life is full of surprises and if I look back, many of my achievements were because I kept fighting no matter how unfavorable the odds were.

Another aspect is that time in our lives is limited. With my poor upbringing I've already spent countless hours dedicating myself to making more money and becoming more successful and optimizing for certain outcomes.

Is it worth to keep doing this endlessly, until I have no more days left, or just give me time to enjoy what I have now? That's why it's important for us to understand what we want out of life outside of what is expected from us. So removing a few items of your "life TODO list" and accepting to be a failure on them is okay.

Maybe all you needed was more summer days in a park and you are wasting your time looking to become more prestigious in your field of work.

Comprehending the price of success and allowing yourself to "be a failure" seems to be more interesting to me lately... also more challenging, as I've been trained to win. I took years of therapy to reach that conclusion, hope it helps you and calms your heart.

I don't need to post links. I've failed at everything I've ever done in my life, professional or otherwise. I'm broke as a result. This isn't hyperbole, and I'm sorry if it sounds melodramatic-I think the user handle should show my mentality, FWIW.

There are a lot of reasons why, but the one that is relevant to this thread is not grasping the following: not realizing that people who stand out in life are so adept at picking themselves up from failure, do it so rapidly and seamlessly, have had so much practice at doing it that you don't even recognize they do it.

Practice doing that. No matter how insignificant the task is. My threshold for failure now is not doing that, and not pushing myself in life tasks where it really matters to me personally. (Important to distinguish.) And I'm already seeing a difference.

Friend told me about Bitcoin in 2009 and I dismissed it as stupid. Tried to get into it in 2012, even mined it for a bit but ultimately stopped and used what I've mined to buy a bunch of useless stuff like Namecoin domains. Dismissed it again when it hit 800$ thinking it can never be be higher. Wrong again.

Basically I tried to hop onto the train several times and each time it felt like I shouldn't (so I didn't), yet at the same time these were the perfect opportunities to do so. If at any point in my life I'd decide to take it more seriously I might have been able to significantly increase my wealth. I wonder if the next best moment to do so is now.

My wife and cats love me, I have fun and engaging hobbies, and we make enough each month to pay bills and have a little left over. After getting hammered in 09 during the recession, I gave up my ambitions and started living in the moment a bit more. Since then, I've been diagnosed with a degenerative joint disorder that limits my capabilities.

Every now and then I see a job posting that piques my interest, but I'm largely content with my life and plan to run out the last 12 years of work with as little stress as possible. I could buckle down and make more money and retire sooner, but it really isn't worth the stress.

Career. I'm not a failure in general, I'm pretty successful. I consider myself a failure as a programmer though. I failed myself when I was a teenager by quitting and choosing another profession instead. I did it because at the time I thought I was gonna be miserable doing it for a living. These days... I don't know. I suppose I'll forever wonder what could have been.

Having a failed business or career != being a failure.

Every successful person has failed at something, until they succeeded. That's how it works.

The premise of this post is very shaky.

I'm 30 and this is my situation:

- I have health issues that decrease my quality of life and leads to embarrassment. I can't work an in-person job anymore.

- I work freelance but have one client, and they're an miser - very tight with cash, so I barely meet my minimum needed income to cover expenses and save a little.

- Because of the above, I have been stuck in a very poor apartment for the last 8 months. Water leaks, air quality issues, noise, shit-water rings around the toilet base, dangerous electrical faults, etc

- Prior I was a late to graduate college student, then worked at a few corporate jobs, but it killed me to be a part of that corporate dysfunction I saw every day.

- I quit multiple jobs because they burned me out.

- I think I'm still burned out because my client is being a prick, not giving me the hours I need yet expects me to be available.

- I keep thinking about starting my own business, but no sustainable income = no business

- I have an addiction to THC edibles because it makes my situation feel less hopeless.

- I'm a complete idiot see above.

I have a business that is on track for failure. It's got some time yet but seems unlikely to turn around. The threshold for failure in this case is that it does not generate enough revenue to pay me and my partner a proper salary and won't any time soon. The cause is probably one of either over-estimating the market size or under-estimating the difficulty of building awareness of the product within that market. It's a bit hard to tell the difference. There might be other causes but it amounts to: not enough customers show up and pay for the product, and advertising doesn't seem to work. It will have resulted in a net loss, however, I'm lucky to have ample resources and so it won't make much difference to my overall net worth. It is an affordable failure.

A deeper root cause is perhaps a different kind of failure in the past. Several times in my career I've had the experience of appearing to have career success due to either initiating or being very early involved in successful projects. But this didn't lead to a stable or cushy career. Instead what happened each time is that after a few years the organizations in effect thanked me for my work and then pushed me aside due to various forms of back-room politics. I've never been fired but have been sidelined or driven to quit, each time with the people closest to what happened making it clear that what happened was deeply unfair and often not just involving me but also others being pushed out at the same time (and thus usually it wasn't strictly personal but involved wider organizational dysfunction).

Creating a company was my hope for an escape from this, to find peace and stability at last where good work done can build something for the long term, without the constant mental drain of wondering if there are people manoeuvering behind the scenes to tear it all down. Alas, you can see the key weakness: the company was created to satisfy my own needs, not because I saw an upswell of untapped customer demand. Creating successful companies is hard, especially in the software world where there are many competitors who are engage in market dumping with loose VC money for years or decades at a time. I chose not to raise (a deliberate choice, the option was there), because building a cash burner is easy but doesn't satisfy the goal of creating long term stability. So unless we pivot and get lucky with some new idea I'll probably have to return to the corporate world later this year or next and just get used to the idea that life will likely always be somewhat restless.

I have failed so much in my life career-wise: fired from multiple jobs, lost huge investments, failed in 3 businesses embarrassingly, burnt out and let everyone down etc... What I thought initially is that I was never going to be able to get out of it, I am doomed. Reality is people forget instantly, but you get lessons that you use your entire life. If someone did not fail and directly succeeded, I am wary of them as something must be wrong. You will learn to love failure and appreciate the lessons.

If I do not find another job soon, it’s safe to say my career was a failure. Sad because it was the one thing that I was area of life I actually managed to get anything out of so far.

As for why, there’s too much to try and condense into a single HN comment, but my career started off on the wrong foot, and I was not really that “into” tech by the time I decided to make the jump from hobbyist to professional.

I would not say it was a net loss though, mostly because it didn’t cost me much and I did manage to snag some decent money finally by the end. No, the net loss is probably going to be in whatever I try to do next.

I'm a failure. I didn't live up to my potential. I'm lazy. Nothing I do works anymore. My career is in jeopardy because I'm "slow".

My main cause would be naivete. I believed all the stuff you're taught about the world in schools, by parents, etc. I believed the company when they told me stuff like they don't outsource or layoff. I'm wasn't aggressive enough to go after promotions or switch jobs. This resulted in me (dev, masters, 10+ yoe) living in a med-high COL making close to $100k with a family to support.

Im 18 yo, trying to understand this world and myself. I started a venture last year, which I was crazy about as my first. A few months didn’t pass by until I got noticed that my so-called friend so-called “partner” has been cheating me and frauding me. The product sucked and I seemed to be (unintentionally) screwing my customers.

I should have checked my partners more closely and also the product.

Looking back, I don’t understand it - but I stopped it then. Since then I’ve been fighting to start a promising venture with no success. Yet. It’s been a year and a half.

I’ve failed more times than most people. But I’m not a failure.

I see everything as a failure and success. It's a two headed 3d coin and everything depends on where you are looking from and where you are looking to

I wonder if posting this was a good thing or a bad thing

By venture I mean something akin to a financial goal

HN really be [Dead]-ing the most wholesome posts

In the late '90s, we were Amazon before Amazon knew what it was doing.

Now I work in IT for a private college. Pay sucks, benefits are great.

I tell a lot of stories to the young folks.