I think you've made some good observations around the expense of material goods, but as the parent of two kids, I already do this. It helps, but it doesn't address the really expensive things about life with kids.

For me, the big whoppers have been day care and the loss of income on scaling back on work. Full time day care is about 24K a year in San Francisco.

http://www.housing.berkeley.edu/child/facstaff/

This is the faculty/staff daycare that has a long, long waiting list at UC Berkeley - it is considered a very desirable program, so it's possible that you could get something much cheaper.

Another huge expense is housing. I fit a family of 4 in a fairly small (1200 sql ft) house with a garage and backyard (sweet!) in an unfashionable part of SF. Mortgage runs me about $3400 a month - sadly, if I'd waited to buy, I could probably have had this for $2600. Rent would probably be somewhere around that range.

Buying a stroller used is a great idea (I bought all cribs and beds used, and it saved me some money, but I'm really optimizing around something that takes at most 10% of the budget, if that).

I want to be sure to say I'm not complaining, I consider myself pretty lucky to have these things. 1200 sq ft with a garage and a yard is pretty excellent. Nice day care is a luxury. And I get to live in SF, which is where I grew up, and I really like it here.

I wouldn't say you "can't have kids" if you can't afford these things, so I agree with you there, but I just don't think you've identified the real heavy hitters where it comes to the expense of raising a family.

But I really don't think the problem with middle class people is that they are spending too much on strollers. It does take some serious $$$ to stay middle class in San Francisco.

Diederich, it's interesting how you pointed out living in an expensive school district is your biggest child related expense. My wife and I did the same thing. We chose to live in a 1 bedroom high-rise, so obviously we sacrificed on space and "the yard." Instead we get a short (walkable or train) commute, nice parks, and have a adapted our apartment to imitate those of the Japanese (and other space efficient cultures) so that the 1 bedroom aspect isn't a problem. I love what you were saying about teaching your son to donate toys and other possessions. My son is 5, but we still need to work on that with him. Thanks for mentioning that, because it reminded me of how important it is that we follow your lead on that.

How "white"? How odd. I didn't know attitudes and ideas had colors.

I admire what you're doing, but I just wanted to point out that there's a HUGE difference between denying yourself something because you can and denying yourself something because you can't afford it.

The $3 beer incident was poignant.

I found the book 'Nickel and Dimed' eye-opening.

Good job with your kid!