Um, depending on how complicated/paranoid you want to get?
Install the Phoenix wallet app and you've got your keys and Lightning node ready to go, pending added liquidity. Sure, it's not maximally secure, but a person can perform transactions outside the banking system pretty easily this way. No need to so consciously "manage" anything.
Phone not secure enough? Fine – then get a hardware wallet like Ledger.
But maybe I'm misunderstanding your point?
> And if you hire someone to do it for you now you are right back where you started, trusting a third party.
If, by hiring someone, you mean using a custodian like Kraken, then you're still solving a problem by not dealing with the traditional banking system. Sure, you're back to trusting a third party, but that's really not the issue at hand, but avoiding Big Bank.
> The right answer IMHO is to do business with a bank that is small enough that you have a contact there whom you personally know and will pick up the phone when you call.
Seems like a nice idea, yet very optimistic. Is everyone supposed to have a personal contact from within a small bank? Probably works for some people, but involves luck and wouldn't scale. The issue isn't really being solved this way.
The closest compromise might be to work with credit unions instead of banks.