Now I want to find a better (work) life, yet found myself woefully unskilled in the languages, libraries, platforms, and paradigms that are much more employable.
I dabbled with some of them (Android, Python, RoR) but still feel incompetent to apply for a cool job -- I can't truthfully tell any employer I am immediately useful upon hiring me.
What are some of the best resources for learning a programming language along with its paradigms quickly?