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0 pointsszszrk1y ago0 comments

I appreciate your insight (and all other commenters).

> if the shy person is new

> if the issue is that the person is afraid to speak up

But that's my whole point: it's not always "fear". I'm talking about character. Personal preference. Or "people/character colors" or "16 personalities" or some other names it had.

Enforcing a strict way to communicate and bashing exceptions (which is my way of phrasing the original comment) will work for some, but will also create an artificial leash for others. I think it's too strict and to generic to try to just implement it by force. Yes, whole team should be available to see details, be able to participate, but why enforce that on such a low level as forbidding 1:1 talks...

From my recent experience, aside of excluding many personalities, it kills a lot of inertia that spontaneous prototyping and brain storming needs.

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em-bee1y ago

not being willing to speak up is not a personal preference. being an introvert is not a preference.

it can be a deep seating discomfort, that comes from negative experiences to speak up in the past. sometimes it is so deep that they are not even aware of it themselves.

i was that person. i had no friends in school until i entered university. every negative reaction was a setback. fortunately my experience was mixed and i did have positive reactions too. i learned public speaking as a scout leader for example. otherwise i'd be a hermit now.

people like us need more positive experiences. especially when joining a new team. to allow us to slowly change our preference.

and even introverts need to accept that they need to cooperate with others, and that requires sharing their ideas. or they should find a different line of work.

szszrkOP1y ago

I'm afraid we speak of different things completely. I'm referring to personality differences and how to allow each personality to be part of the team. You speak of dealing with bad past experiences or maybe even trauma.

My point was that you should not and can not change other people's personality. You should make sure understand reasons of why others might not embrace same methods. And some advice in this thread ignores that. It's actually a source of frustration for many, not being understood on such basic level, while nothing is wrong with you.

em-bee1y ago

i know what you mean. my argument is that a personality difference that is so strong that it prevents you from participating in a group discussion must be caused by trauma.

group discussions are a requirement in our industry. if not wanting to talk to people is a mere choice then you should be looking for a job where you don't have to talk to people.

in my understanding, having difficulty or even just discomfort to talk in a group implies trauma. and they deserve any help we can offer. but if there is no trauma and they simply can't be bothered to make an effort to accommodate the group, then why should i make an effort to accommodate them?

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em-bee1y ago

not being willing to speak up is not a personal preference. being an introvert is not a preference.

it can be a deep seating discomfort, that comes from negative experiences to speak up in the past. sometimes it is so deep that they are not even aware of it themselves.

people like us need more positive experiences. especially when joining a new team. to allow us to slowly change our preference.

and even introverts need to accept that they need to cooperate with others, and that requires sharing their ideas. or they should find a different line of work.

szszrkOP1y ago

em-bee1y ago

i know what you mean. my argument is that a personality difference that is so strong that it prevents you from participating in a group discussion must be caused by trauma.

group discussions are a requirement in our industry. if not wanting to talk to people is a mere choice then you should be looking for a job where you don't have to talk to people.

1 more reply

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse