Ultimately that's on everyone to decide on their own. I personally feel the exact opposite way, that although having to mind my speech gets really quite annoying at times, and that there are communities who for whatever reason really overdo it, I really do not wish to participate in communities where the disregard of it, in the form of a quasi rebellious attitude, has taken deep cultural root.

The best of both worlds for me is when I can naturally just mingle with others without this issue cropping up, because the chemistry just works out on its own. I miss and greatly cherish those people I've met over the years who I was able to collaborate and spend time with like that. Instead of subscribing to either extreme, that's the kind of interaction I'm actually wishing to experience more of.

Regrettably, I feel this has been becoming less and less likely over time, which I attribute to the growing distrust and hostility among people at large, as well as the countless other (what I perceive as) dysfunctional social dynamics on the internet these days (e.g. mainstream political activism and counteractivism on community spaces of all kinds). And then who knows.

I don't think anyone here is saying that the problem are the "bad words" themselves.

I'd wager that a lot of people here are probably fine with someone shouting "motherfucker" at a problem in your screen, or saying that something is "fucking stupid", but draw the line at shouting or telling this to a person... especially in a public email, and even more especially when you're in a position of power over them.

> "I'm tired of the fact that you don't fix the problems in your code" is really good, direct, honest feedback.

I disagree. I don't see why Linus being tired or not is technically relevant at all. Leading with it makes it sound like he's looking for the guy to stop tiring him, rather than actually remediate his lapses in self-review.

Being courteous is not about avoiding a negative experience at all costs, it's about being considerate of it, keeping in mind that it exists. If you know you're going to tell the guy they're causing issues, then not making that about how fucking tired that makes you feel shows that you're not trying to mess with their head, but trying to actually address the issue. It's specifically to avoid the ambiguity on whether he has a problem with the person or what they're doing, since when insulted, people tend to reasonably assume they're being found to be problematic.

I really don't think this is all that culture specific, and that this is just some freak cultural mismatch having been ongoing for decades. Not ethnic cultural at least.