It's work. If you can't separate your emotions from your work you should work on that, not blame someone for speaking honestly about a situation.
Now, there's surely better and worse ways to phrase that, but it's not a personal failing. It's not a judgement call of anyone in any way. If the company can't honestly discuss internally which areas are mature and which are not, then some areas will surely fall into underdevelopment, and that will probably have a material impact on the company's chances of succeeding.
I will either get promoted or moved off the project in such situations, and almost nothing in between - I am completely discontent to sit in a room and pretend something I know isn’t something I know due to fragile egos. The worst is when I get hired for this trait (I am very up front about it) and end up in this environment anyway, because the management wants a “disruptor.” What they’re really doing is using you as a proxy, and it’s annoying and miserable.
If someone does get really mad over something like this and act out, that's a perfect excuse to leave.
If you know some other company will take you in, or you have "fuck you money", that's great, but it represents a culture of privilege that very few people have these days.
If you take a dozen people of different backgrounds and ask them to rate a statement like this by how much it "attacks someone's character" or is "emotionally unsafe", you're going to get a whole spectrum of responses.
Likewise, you'll find similarly varied responses to how and whether character judgment makes someone afraid to speak up, and how and whether a organizational demand for "emotional safety" makes for a more or less comfortable workplace.
This is the sort of stuff that people really mean by "culture fit" in organizations and especially on intimate teams. You and the person you're responding to probably wouldn't thrive in the same work environments. That's okay, though, because there are a lot of work environments and (among skilled craftspeople with job mobility) those of us who recognize these cultural differences have the insight to seek the right orgs/teams for ourselves.
First, you have to be right. Saying "we suck at that" if we are good or even just so-so is counterproductive.
Second, you need a foundation of trust. People listen to negative feedback most when delivered with shared interests.
Third, it has to be delivered to the right audience in the right forum. People who are unable to act on it should not be included.
Fourth, it needs to be oriented in a positive direction. It can be negative. But the goal is improvement, not degredation.
Fifth, it has to be clear. Clarity and specificity are effective.
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These things are nuanced, and without being in the situation, it's effectively impossible to judge what is done the right or the wrong way.
I’ve gone through many of those same steps back when my company was in a rapid growth phase. I believed I was being helpful by stepping back and staying less opinionated, but after a year, I found that most new team members had no real opinion of me—or worse, they’d constructed misguided opinions out of thin air.
Back to the articles point, ultimately people who feel personally offended or “attacked” by a simple statement like “We suck at that” will inevitably create problems. Our company decided that wasn’t the kind of culture we wanted to build, so we chose to move away from (or avoid hiring) those who couldn’t handle that straightforward level of honesty.
Do with that what you will. I usually take it as a sign that the team is toxic.
But then they proposed a bunch of context-free solutions.
Advice like "Wait for an invitation" might work at the specific company/group they are in right now, but it definitely won't work everywhere. Anyone here can come up with a counterexample to every single one of the bullet points.
A person with strong social skills knows when to talk and when to listen. They know when to take credit and when to give credit. They know how to share bad news in the least hurtful way. You will not learn this from a bunch of "always/never" commandments.
We all know that social skills are just as important as technical skills, but I'm not sure we talk enough about how to develop your social skills.
The primary problem is that this is not the majority view, and so saying stuff like "we kind of suck at that right now" is how
- As a suit, you scare the shit out of your employees and cause them to overwork, burn out, lose faith in you, leave, etc
- As an IC, get fired, get your team laid off/outsourced/replaced, etc
I’ve been in situations where I see a major problem, while also having extremely limited time to communicate it to someone who can do something about it, so I end up just ignoring it rather than raising the issue because I don’t want to risk communicating the issue in a way that offends someone.
Other times I communicate a problem and an entire team is extremely thankfully and appreciative that I raised it to their attention.
If someone is saying “we suck at this” they’re probably communicating something quickly off the cuff without thinking. The alternative for that person is likely to not raise the concern at all for fear of hurting feelings, or spend a lot of time obsessing over how to perfectly word the feedback.
It’s a difficult balance and particularly difficult in companies that need to move quickly and iterate fast, e.g. startups.
In hindsight, I should have explained more about "why we kind of suck at that right now," and what we are doing to improve on it. I realized I could have used a more positive positioning to describe the team's shortcomings.
"This process isn't the best right now and can be improved. This is how we can improve on it..." sounds a bit softer, but people will listen.
Most people, when they hear the word "we... suck..." they probably aren't going to listen to the rest of what will you say. These comments can make people feel uncomfortable, especially in today's working environment.
It's probably easier to say this in a small, trusted team meeting where folks can laugh. I wouldn't rely on this is just how this person is. It's easy to get a new manager or start working with a new team where this kind of behavior wouldn't fly and would work against you.
Anyone can say this sucks. It's good to explain why it sucks or how it could be improved.
Most folks will hear you out if you have a good reason or give them new ideas to explore. If the problem is cannot be solved now, it may better to document. I've been pointing out issues in our app for years, and now some folks are using my documents as the starting point to solve some of these problems.
"I wrote about that issue a year ago. Happy that document was able to give some context!"
Depending on your 'personal' philosophy or your corporate 'shared' meta philosophy... If the problem is not your problem to solve, it might be best not to comment at all, as it is not your burden to bear.
It's important to have hard conversations about a team's ability - if for no other reason than expectation setting - but maybe in front of the entire team is not the right place.
That said, surely there must be a less blunt way of saying it? Something like "I believe in the team, but we still need improvement".
One piece of advice I give all new jr devs (I've mentored more than 100 at this point) is: "Don't feel feelings about your code, because your code doesn't feel any feelings about you. Investing emotions in your code is entering into an abusive relationship".
It's hard when you're proud of something you made and it gets criticized, or replaced in production in a short amount of time, or immediately polluted by somebody who doesn't seem to care as much as you did. Try to realize that the actionable grievance is the wasted time and effort. It can be hard to get people to respect your feelings, but it is pretty easy to make a case that wasting your time and effort should be avoided.
I’ll caveat that I’m not sure what exactly OP was saying “suck” about: there’s a form of that that’s just an insult, and those are never helpful or appropriate.
But I and my team, for example, suck at writing and vetting kernel code, and at vetting every single package in the supply chain—so we’ll hire Red Hat or somebody. We suck more than we think we do at cryptography, so we’ll use a library rather than try and spin our own.
With respect to your alternate phrasing—when I say we suck at a thing (to our team who all communicate that way), I don’t think that means we need improvement and I don’t believe in our team to realistically wake up to be kernel hackers—they would agree—and I think that’s fine! Nobody wants us to be! Being honest and realistic about our self-appraisals helps us make better choices. As does routinely being appreciative and supportive of each other about things we don’t suck at.
And my experience was that there was so many bad performers that simply not sucking made someone stand out.
Oh
>And you said it in front of their boss.
this advice:
> Talk less. > You don't need to share everything you know.
Makes a ton of sense. For a very tactful individual, "consider the audience" is good advice. But for the rest of us, it is often better to remain silent.
