Mustard Watches (1990) (opens in new tab)

I’m not sure what the author had in mind when he wrote the paper, but its light-hearted content reveals well how to structure a math paper: (1) state the problem and why the reader should care about it, (2) state how the paper builds on prior work, (3) summarize the main results, and then (4) develop them in theorem-proof style.

An economics paper in the same spirit (though of course economics addresses more practical problems than mathematics, in this case whether one should leave the toilet seat up or down) shows quite well how to present and develop an economic model [0].

0. https://jaypilchoi.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Economic-I... [PDF]

Mixing powdered mustard at the point of delivery would optimize for freshness. Something akin to large construction site concrete, which is mixed from raw materials on demand, but built into a pocket watch.

Just in time mustard if you will.

French version, as a proper PDF: https://girard.perso.math.cnrs.fr/moutarde.pdf

Theorems 1 and 2 are a little weak. For theorem 1, once a mustard watch reaches a sufficiently enormous size, material weaknesses become relevant problems to overcome, and it is not clearly shown that adding a few more grains will in fact allow the watch to still operate. And theorem 2 doesn't discuss how much time is needed to measure the current time. I'm not entirely sure this has been peer reviewed. No notes on theorem 4, though.

In the classic 2002 feature film "Undercover Brother" the titular character had a hot sauce watch which enabled him to eat white people food. James Bond was surely jealous.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0279493/

I'm always surprised how many other mathematicians don't know what I'm talking about when I reference this paper. It should be in the canon of math essays.

What precisely is the complaint the actual author is making wrt temporal logic? Surely it is more than the assertion that there is no such canonical one?

I can’t decode French elitism.

Is there a garmin siracha device?

I often wonder if the mustard watch is a microcosm of all of our inventions so far.

See also hunting lions using math: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29106064

This reminds me that I was going to write up a paper on my breakthrough encabulator escapement watch.

Love mine. I can discreetly squirt mustard onto boring hors d’oeuvres.

I would find more use from a mustard-cat treat watch

I’m not sufficiently familiar with French culture or maths culture (and barely at all with their intersection!) to tell whether this is satire/parody, or just bonkers in general. Which is it?

highly entertaining read for a mustard fan, but what is this demonic presentation of a pdf