There should be some way to define the CLI argument format and its constraints in some sort of DSL that can be compiled into the target language before the final compilation of the application. This way, it can be language agnostic (though I don't know why you would need this) without the need for another runtime. The same interface specification should be able to represent a customizable help/usage message with sane defaults, generate dynamic tab completions code for multiple shells, generate code for good quality customizable error messages in case of CLI argument errors and generate a neatly formatted man page with provisions for additional content, etc.

In fact, I think something like this already exists. I just can't recollect the project.

This is not an issue with Java and the other JVM languages, it's simple to use GraalVM and package a static binary.

most java CLIs (well, non shitty ones), and most distributed java programs in general, package their own jvms in a hermetic environment. it’s just saner.