Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent (opens in new tab)

I'm being invited to these sorts of weddings (albeit probably much lower key) for the first time as an adult (in 30s, since that's when it's happening these days), and it's actually seeming like an excessive cost just as a guest to put something formal together to wear. I've literally never had the occasion to wear any kind of proper suit or even anything close to formal wear until now, and it'll probably be a sudden non-trivial investment since there are a few of these lining up in the year. It's not helped by the fact that I'm not just an off-the-shelf build physically, and so while I'm grateful for the invites, it's money and stuff that I really could spend in other ways. The economy in Canada is shit rn, and if I wasn't lucky enough to have a job, I'd probably just consider declining on that basis. That plus a short domestic flight, accomodation, bachelor/bachelorette parties, etc.. it's crazy.

Earlier in the year, my lady and I were invited to the destination wedding of one of her close relatives, and simply told them no because it would have been a laughably expensive commitment that would have compromised our financial security. I get that people want to feel special or rationalize a big event, but I agree that if your family isn't shitting money or something to the point of making it trivial, it seems like kind of a silly idea.

> Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it.

Well yeah, spending tens of thousands of dollars on one party is insane unless you're royalty or just crazy rich. Everything about a wedding is overpriced and overhyped.

But it's one of those times when rationality is challenged by emotion and expectations that have been moulded throughout childhood.

Congrats on the free beach party wedding. That's a great idea. COVID or not.

I went to a friend's outdoor wedding in July where water was $2.50/bottle.

> family is rich

Or they took out a 60k to 200k loan for a party

"Here's how overspending on my wedding improved B2B SaaS sales"

>cost of... ...attending one is out of control

What costs are associated with attending a wedding?

I have a feeling a lot of people are comparing where their parents ended to where they are starting, which isn’t a fair comparison. They should probably talk to their parents about what it was actually like. When my parents got their first apartment it didn’t even have a shower. They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair.

People also just love looking at averages for salary and home price, but they ignore that the average home has more than doubled in size. The average car today is also much faster, safer, and more luxurious than the old ones.

I bought a house from the late 1940s. What would have been “average” in the time everyone seems to want to compare themselves to. By most modern standards, it’s small, but it was also half the price of the “average” home today.

In terms of waiting for financial stability, I’d argue that it’s better not to wait. It eliminates all those prenuptial agreements, as neither person has anything. Then they can grow and a couple together. Wait too long, and they enter the relationship with too much that they’re worried about losing, and also more set in their ways.

The obsession with keeping up with the Jones’ has gotten out of control. The Jones’ aren’t just the most well-to-do on the street, now people are trying to compete on lifestyle with the most well-to-do in the country. Just a couple days ago I had someone knock on my door to sell fiber internet and he tried to tell me I need it to keep up with the Jones’. That’s where we’re at. It’s not about what you actually need, it’s what you can brag about. It’s so backward.

I suspect there is a large class of young people that expect to continue the quality of life they had as late teens as soon as they get a place of their own in their 20s.

It’s certainly kinda hard to suddenly downshift into a quality of life they never experienced.

Newish car, nice apartment, frequently eating out, etc all isn’t going to work out on someone with an entry level job.

The difference is their parents were in their late 40s / early 50s, enjoying the benefits of being at peak earning capability with enough time to pay off cars/house, build savings, and be well past all the early expenses one has early in life.

It’s almost like people live vastly different lives and we’re not all the same…

Tbh this just seems like a classic "my anecdote disputes the reality for many" without seemingly any qualifiers or nuance.

Nobody ever said it was impossible to buy a house in general in any geography with a sufficient salary and ability to service any amount of debt. In the city I live in, the ratio between median income and cost of any home was wildly, comically more favorable for boomers, to the point where if you aren't literally rich already, you need to go become a rare doctor and shack up with an L6+ engineer at booming tech company to pull it off, then maintain that income 'till it's paid off.

If two people want to get married or find it useful, they'll do so regardless, on that point we might agree, but many people in the past just did so because they accidentally got pregnant and might have felt internal or external pressure from family to get married and not abort. My grandparents were broke as hell and got married at their rural community center, that's just what people did then, they weren't about to stretch for something glamorous.

Many people now look at the decisions of their parents during whatever time it was, including with houses, and think "well this is what mom and dad did, and they're both broke and divorced now, so maybe lets not do that this time"

Financial stability wasn't so important when you could easily get a mortgage with no deposit