It's time for you to wake up, and start exercising your own authority.
it won't be easy. if i were in this position, i can't imagine what i would do. i feel even stronger than GP about this, and i'd probably feel quite helpless trying to get my partner to understand how i feel about this. even just trying to get my voice heard. if you don't have a way to communicate openly in your marriage from the start, then talking about things openly can be very hard, seemingly impossible even. with one issue that my wife and me had, it first took me years to notice and understand the issue and start to speak up about it, then it took a few more years for my wife to recognize and acknowledge the issue for herself, and then she still struggled to do something about it. and very time i messed up somewhere in our relationship, it was a setback for her development too. and i can't even blame her. it's something she learned from her parents (which is how she eventually figured it out)
One thing I have observed over and over again, is that when I lack assertiveness, because I am tired or something, then she feels like she needs to take over. And she does it very well. But it also creates a lot of anxiety in her.
What I am saying to OP, is that it's time to be more assertive. (1) There is more at play than the couple here; you can't just watch your children getting wrecked and do nothing. And (2), taking some ownership might actually fix the underlying issue.
of course there are situations where simply taking responsibility for something can help, but i don't see that in the situation described. if my wife is scheduling to many activities for the children, how can i take over when i simply want there to be less activities.
in other words if my wife does something that in my opinion simply should not be done, how can i stop her, other than sharing my feelings about it? how can i take ownership of the kids activities other than replacing them with other activities. or what do i do when i am at work while this happens? and working until 2am at night? how am i supposed to react other than saying, please don't do that?
It’s a joint decision. If it’s not, then you’re not operating as a team. If you’re not operating as a team…then you have a marriage problem IMO. Simple as that.
The healthy marriage outcome would be talking about it and compromising in some fashion. “my way or the highway”…yikes.
