undefined | Better HN

0 pointsLanceH2mo ago0 comments

By high school there is definitely an expectation that everyone has a phone. They will literally miss out on a normal method of communication between friends and classmates.

They miss out on the social group and then fade away from it and just become "that one guy in our class."

The last time I mentioned this several people argued that, "true friends would stick together" or some such. Well, if you already have those friends. But if you're in high school and finding yourself, you probably haven't met all of them yet.

A lot of both communication and organizing of social events happen through the phone. Kids without a phone (or some online method) will just be forgotten. This is just the reality.

Unrestricted access? That depends on the kid. We had them charge in the living room (no overnight use), and their computers were actual desktops in a single office in the house.

We never used filtering or tracking software. The one exception was blocking youtube (through /etc/hosts) for my youngest during covid when it was too big a distraction.

0 comments

throwway1203852mo ago

This is just generally true even as an adult. A lot of social events used to start out on text threads in the early 2000's and then moved on to Facebook Calendar by the mid 2000's and then Instagram and I don't even know how it would work now. But if you wanted to be in any particular social group you probably had to deal with the icky features of all of these social media apps just to do that. We needed a public square for our little villages everywhere and instead we got a man screaming at clouds and occasionally handing out invitations.

LanceHOP2mo ago

So much has moved to facebook and it's eternally frustrating. Facebook has its own priorities, and I get the last minute "hey! meet here" things the next day.

sneak2mo ago

You think that missing out on talking to high schoolers is worse than missing out on the harms of smartphones?

We must have very different views of the world. I would never let a child for whom I am responsible have a smartphone. They are not required, despite what you may have been told.

I’m an adult and I’ve been experimenting with leaving mine behind when I go out. It’s more than fine.

LanceHOP2mo ago

I'm sitting here from the perspective of having 2 adult children -- both graduating early, and my youngest who enters high school next year. They all got phones starting with 9th grade (14 at the start of the school year). Generally speaking they charged the phones downstairs.

I literally addressed the problems of missing out for high schoolers. The social event they'll miss on its own may not be a big deal. But the missed opportunities to make and deepen friendships is a big deal.

As an adult, you have your friend/peer group already. You and your friends are far less likely to do things spontaneously and far more likely to be courteous and thoughtful to invite someone along. A high school teen has middle school friends and is probably discovering their peer group. A huge portion of that discovery becomes unavailable without a phone.

Say they just finished up with band and everyone chats online, "hey meet up at the pizza place." Your kid will be left out. That's the firm reality. They won't know about it. It's the opportunity cost of meeting and learning other kids which will be missed, not the riveting conversations themselves.

> They are not required, despite what you may have been told.

Required? no. Central to the social fabric that binds them, unfortunately yes.

I'm fairly confident in my methods as I'm 2 for 2 graduating conscientious adults from college.

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse

0 pointsLanceH2mo ago0 comments

By high school there is definitely an expectation that everyone has a phone. They will literally miss out on a normal method of communication between friends and classmates.

They miss out on the social group and then fade away from it and just become "that one guy in our class."

A lot of both communication and organizing of social events happen through the phone. Kids without a phone (or some online method) will just be forgotten. This is just the reality.

Unrestricted access? That depends on the kid. We had them charge in the living room (no overnight use), and their computers were actual desktops in a single office in the house.

We never used filtering or tracking software. The one exception was blocking youtube (through /etc/hosts) for my youngest during covid when it was too big a distraction.

0 comments

throwway1203852mo ago

LanceHOP2mo ago

So much has moved to facebook and it's eternally frustrating. Facebook has its own priorities, and I get the last minute "hey! meet here" things the next day.

sneak2mo ago

You think that missing out on talking to high schoolers is worse than missing out on the harms of smartphones?

We must have very different views of the world. I would never let a child for whom I am responsible have a smartphone. They are not required, despite what you may have been told.

I’m an adult and I’ve been experimenting with leaving mine behind when I go out. It’s more than fine.

LanceHOP2mo ago

> They are not required, despite what you may have been told.

Required? no. Central to the social fabric that binds them, unfortunately yes.

I'm fairly confident in my methods as I'm 2 for 2 graduating conscientious adults from college.

j / k navigate · click thread line to collapse