> I can go buy an off the shelf laptop, stick a generic "Linux install" USB in it, and be reasonably certain most things are going to work
Oh, God, I have to repeat it again.
That's because of x86 standards for APICs, keyboard controllers, USB controllers, framebuffer addresses, PnP buses, storage controllers, etc. It has nothing to do with the BIOS, and has even less to do with UEFI, since it removed standard BIOS real mode interrupts (UEFI CSM).
ARM's only standard is CPU instructions. Each chip has different peripherals and each one needs a different driver. ARMv7 didn't even have a standardized timer! How can you expect to run anything without knowing where's the timer? UEFI and ACPI tries to patch it up with software, but the device tree is a better alternative because it can be updated, bug fixed and extended by the end users.
Let me give you a real example, something I did last week:
I have a Radxa Rock 5 ITX. The M.2 E-key slot has PCIe lines but no separate line for eSATA (the E-key doesn't have those). But the CPU has a mux that can switch those PCIe lines into SATA lines. It's in the device tree. Radxa makes a passive SATA adapter for the E-key slot (I bought it), but it doesn't switch the mux by itself.
Rockchip uses device tree. The mux is in there. Radxa didn't write an overlay for the device tree to switch the mux into SATA mode. I wrote that myself. It's a simple PCIe status="disabled" / SATA status="okay".
If Rockchip used UEFI instead of device tree, there would be absolutely nothing I could do if Radxa didn't explicitly add a setting for this mode change. And if they didn't write an overlay as simple as that, I very much doubt they would implement in UEFI.
I couldn't make sense of the second portion of your reply. What are you saying? That is preferable to be able to update a crap OEM distro instead of completely replacing it with something that is derived from mainline Linux kernel and ordinary Linux userspace?
OpenWrt only does "contortions" because routers have various ethernet and wifi configurations. Some have an oboard switch, some don't, some have WAN / LAN ethernet ports, some only have WAN and wifi. They're going very much towards standardization, not "contortions".
DD-WRT doesn't take anything from the original firmware, well... maybe some blobs. AFAIK (I didn't use it much), the old kernels are official Linux kernels. They're just older versions that still work with drivers and blobs that were abandoned and no longer updated by the OEM.