> That's true (except for C), because I can't see how a create_function-defined function closes over its environment),
That's why it would be a fake closure.
$foo = someNumber();
create_function('', 'return '.$foo.';');
You would generate a new string to be evaluated as the function body each time.
> talks casually about "returning the name of an anonymous function". It shows just how much twisted the logic of these people is.
I think you read too much into this. The point of an anonymous function isn't to make it not have a name, but to be able to define it where it is needed instead of referring to some specific function name in your code.
It also fits well with the way PHP handles "pointers", by storing the name of a variable in another variable.
$foo = 42;
$bar = 'foo';
print($$bar); // Prints 42.
