In this case, I believe the "Excel is a functional language" meme is using "Excel" not to include ALL the things that excel does, which includes things like VB and Javascript scripting, but as shorthand for the spreadsheet model of application, and more specifically aimed at Excel's formula language, which enforces the creation of first order functions by excluding the possibility of state-fulness and side-effects from the language's design. It is the fact that this is inherent in its design that merits calling it a functional language, while in php there are no such design choices which enforce or even encourage a functional way of writing code.