> When I want to learn about the distinction between declarative paradigms and functional paradigms I talk to people who specialize in drawing that distinction. Since the blog post is prima facie drawing a distinction between functional and imperative, the value I'm looking for is an analytically rigorous distinction between abstract concepts.

Who specializes in making that distinction? Point me in the right direction. I am absolutely throwing down the gauntlet, I don't believe for a second you know what you're talking about, and I suspect that your understanding of functional programming does not include the possibility of functions returning functions, and the term "thunk" would be lost on you. If you're going to put so much weight on expertise, please point me in the direction of the researcher who you suspect would take the author of this article to task for his terminology. Or make a positive argument yourself.

"Promise" here refers to a specific computation strategy, it has a well-documented intellectual heritage and has been defined as a lambda calculus. It has its basis in the structuring of computations. With how you've constructed this ontology, I don't see any room for "functional programming" to mean anything at all.

I suppose that does leave a lot of room for calling the OP "the village loudmouth" for having any actual content behind his words.