I'm 23, An Entrepreneur, and Fucking Terrified. (opens in new tab)

I don't like judging people based on their age. It seems like a really blunt instrument that unfairly groups people together who do not belong there. But as someone who is only just pushing 30, I can say that you are talking the same kind of nonsense I did in my early 20s.

"To all of the people who say that the best thing to do is get a good job, buy a nice house, and to put the max into a 401k that the company will match: Fuck you. It’s not what I want. Mediocrity is worse than failure."

Mediocrity is not worse than failure. Try being homeless. Except when you say 'failure' you mean "maybe I'll have to move back in with my parents". You have an enormous safety net allowing you to be so disdainful of "mediocrity", don't take it for granted.

Stop romanticising driving yourself into the ground. Stop thinking you are better than your peers that have "sold out" by taking (gasp) jobs. It sounds like you've lived life very much on your own terms until now, but life doesn't work that way indefinitely. At some point you have to make compromises in order to achieve what you want. Deal with it.

Take a job as a developer. You'll make good money. Make sure it isn't for a demanding startup. Something that guarantees exiting the office at 5pm every day. Then go home and work on your startup. Plough your free time into your startup, and when you have enough of a ramp you can quit your day job and transition to the startup full time.

You are not a unique butterfly that is owed the opportunity to only ever do exactly what you want.

"To all of the people who say that the best thing to do is get a good job, buy a nice house, and to put the max into a 401k that the company will match: It’s not what I want. Mediocrity is worse than failure."

Cool. Then if/when you want to retire and have no savings, don't go dipping into my 401k. I'm 100% for you making your decisions and wish you nothing but the best. But when it's time to pay the piper, your kids are getting ready for college and you have to tell them you can't afford to help them at all, you live with that.

Obviously there's a case where you hit the jackpot and become insanely wealthy. I wish this for you, but reality is that it probably won't happen.

Live with your decisions, for better or worse. But in 15 years, let's not be having a conversation where you're whining about not being able to afford a house, or not being able to pay for your kids' college, etc. And when you go to retire, please don't vote for taxes being raised on my 401k to pay for your retirement.

I relate to you a lot, so if I'm harsh towards you I'm really just being harsh to myself.

You're not really saying anything. You're describing your emotional state, but that's it. You say you're afraid, but you're not actually getting to the root of your fear. Sure, you don't want mediocrity. Who does, anyway? (Rhetorical question.)

Is this just a pep-talk? If so, all the best to you, live long and prosper, focus, work hard, all that good stuff. But I have a feeling that you have something you want to be addressing, but you're not actually doing it.

I'm 23 too. I'm married to my childhood sweetheart and we have a home. I have a great job doing marketing in a tech firm. Her heart's desire is to travel. I'd like to take her around the world, and write novels and essays about whatever MY heart desires. But I too have bills to pay (and my job's awesome, anyway, so what's my problem?) And I too am afraid that my ambitions and vision for myself and reality might not be easy to swallow, and/or that I might hurt people along the way. I've already cut ties with some of my closest friends.

Here's a guess that's going to sound a little pessimistic, but it's just a guess and I could be totally wrong, and it's more about me than it is about you- but I think you're going to find yourself returning to this exact same position several times.

Not sure why I'm writing this, being messy and jumbled and all, but it's probably the same reason why you wrote your post. So, uh, here it is.

Life's crazy. You're crazy. I'm crazy. Cheers to that. Once you're done analysing and reviewing your emotional state, though, don't forget to get around to doing the work- because that's what actually matters, and that's what people will actually want to read about, pay you for, etc. That's the real legacy you'll build.

Being an "Entrepreneur" is about one thing only: solving others' problems. Everything else is window dressing or worse, diversions.

This rant includes all kinds of stuff about "me", "my life", "my philosphies", "my problems", "my future", "my", "my", "my"...

Where's mention of others, their problems, and the solutions?

OP may call himself "An Entrepreneur", but supplies no data to support that claim. Sadly, an all-too-often recurring theme these days.

Oh god. Don't do this. Don't go out like a meteor. It's romantic and exciting... and stupid. There's a time when every doctor has to look at the clock and call the time of death, and you have to do that for your startup. Remember the "be honest with yourself" rule? It's part of that. Be brave.

To give up is not defeat; it's rallying. Maybe at Accenture you'll learn your future customers, find something to enhance, or exploit. You don't know. But above all you have to be honest with yourself and why you wanted this: are you the driver and the company the car, or are you the car and the company the driver?*

*In other words, is the company what is trying to be delivered and you're just taking it there, or do you want to go somewhere and the company is the means to do that.

If you are really going to devote 100% of your time you can't have this mentality. Typical white, wealthy, suburban nerd who identified himself by his possessions and not by his accomplishments. To be an entrepreneur you have to be fearless, you need to realize the risk and mitigate, you need to identify your weakness and strengthen it. Enough of this I have everything and im scared of losing it mentality, stop crying, you will be fine.

An entrepreneur must have heart and passion. If you have time to think about these things your not busy enough. Focus on your business and the problems your business faces. YOU are the business. you life should be the business. Your personal problems don't matter. run and don't look back. Do not compare yourself to anyone but your competitors. Be strong, live on.

Reading the title my first thought is, "You should be."

Reading the first paragraph I think, "Here's a spoiled brat complaining"

When I read, "We move higher, we fly faster, we get meaner." I start to lose sympathy. It's another of "Woe unto me, the underappreciated superstar from the country club."

What's wrong with 9 to 5ing, learning more, and doing your own thing on your own time for a while. There's NOTHING wrong with that. Don't buy into the romantic notion that you have to give 110% to your startup or it's not worth doing. Pragmatism is ok. Pragmatism is not mediocrity. Don't confuse the two. There's a lot of hyperbole and rhetoric in the startup world. Don't buy into it. Plenty of startups have been launched (and done well) in people's "off time".

> The idea of three twenty-somethings in a studio apartment, writing code and eating ramen is romantic to entrepreneurs.

Really? Maybe to aspiring entrepreneurs in their teens and very early twenties, that sounds romantic. To everyone else, that likely sounds awful.

You're 23. You don't really know anything yet. Maybe a little, but not much. You're parents aren't in charge now, you're out of school, and now you're going to learn about life. And you're arriving at the same realizations that most people do around that age. You're figuring out that living your dream has real costs. You're figuring out that your adult relationships will suffer, hard. You'll see your peers move up the corporate ladder, and it'll feel like you're just watching from the sidelines. And if you go the 9-5 (let's be honest, more likely an 8-6), they're going to be your boss someday.

But you're also 23. You're incredibly young, and you still have time to mess up. And you'll have the rest of your life to run the rat race, if that's what you one day choose.

So stop stressing, but do get your priorities straight. You'll need to work within the constraints set by your priorities.

The biggest constraint might be your relationship. It's normal that your girlfriend doesn't share in your dream of ramen noodles and Three Buck Chuck. And it doesn't get easier, especially if she wants kids. If you're in a promising relationship, maybe you're realizing that it matters more to you than your work. On the other hand, relationships come and go, often unpredictably. You have to figure out how to handle that for yourself.

Good luck!

I'm not sure I see the fucking point of using fucking swear words.

TLDR from your favorite slush-pile-as-a-startup: It's an entitled WASP roughing it at the country-club and whose startup isn't working whining about how terribly unfair life - but FUCK THE NORMIES!

You have to learn when to fold them, my dude. Better to say here ran a coward than here died the brave.

I read your other posts - I think you're right to be terrified.

"To all of the people who say that the best thing to do is get a good job, buy a nice house, and to put the max into a 401k that the company will match: Fuck you. It’s not what I want. Mediocrity is worse than failure."

Hey, man, if that's not what you want, that's cool and all, but I'm just going to defend myself and my buddies with good jobs and stuffed 401(k)s: There are other things besides Business that matter to people. For instance, I'd rather be a middling-to-decent family-man than a wildly successful entrepreneur, any day of the week.

There's a lot to give up in pursuit of your dreams, whether that dream is family or success or artistic fulfillment or travel... Sometimes you can choose to have some of column A and some of column B at the expense of being "mediocre" (or at least not-99.999th-percentile) at both - but maybe sometimes that leaves you a better person overall.

Anyway. Whatever floats your boat; just don't be too down on the rest of the world's strategies or anything

Never give up, don't end your life. Failure is a part of life, we humans learn from our mistakes. If you ever read "Dune" or watched the movie "Fear is the mind killer." and it makes a lot of sense that statement.

I am 45, and I am having a hard time. I am flat broke, disabled, and 100K in medical debt. No startups want to hire me, nobody wants to help me, and I did a great job when I was working and did two startups of my own.

http://www.greatdox.com/documentaries/ I want to do documentaries on various topics because I faced a lot of stuff in my life and I don't want to see others suffer as I have, as I have seen many others suffer. Know that you are not alone. I have software I want to develop as well. http://www.greatdox.com/software/

I work to live, and not live to work. I'm that 22 year old sucker that took a job as a developer out of college making 65k+. I work at a great company and am surrounded by people smarter than me. It's a comfy job and enough to pay rent and take my gf out for vacation. Screw me right?

Been there, done that. Welcome to the club buddy! Name a prominent successful entrepreneur and there's a VERY good chance they've felt the same exact way you do. Yes, even Steve f'n Jobs.

As an entrepreneur I often have people (who are 9-5'rs) saying to me "that's awesome you're doing it on your own. I'm so envious". Yet, they have no idea the sacrifices that are required to make it on your own. The reality is that they are scared shitless to do it themselves. Take pride in knowing you are doing something 95% of the "comfortable" population in the world are scared as hell to do themselves.

Feel free to get in touch (contact in profile) if you wanna talk things through over Skype.

Taking a job temporarily isn't the end of the world. Everyone needs an income of some kind. The only key to this is persistence. If you want it bad enough "giving in" won't affect you. It's taken me a few years to figure out what I want to do all while learning what a business is, how sales work, and everything else that's involved. Do it for the journey, not the end result. There's nothing romantic about it. Independence comes at a cost: risk. Look at what you're doing objectively and you'll do fine. No matter how invincible you might feel in your 20's, failure is going to happen anyways. It's how you roll with the punches that will determine whether you come out on top or not. In the end everyone's goals are different. Many people are happy with getting a job somewhere. The rough and ramen lifestyle isn't for everyone. Many people just want to have a family, and frankly there's nothing wrong with it.

Source: I'm 23 too, but I don't pretend to be awesome. I'm just a stubborn kid looking to achieve something and getting by however necessary.

A lot of people rightly point out the melodrama in this post, and that the OP has it better than he realizes.

There's still some truth here. I'm 28, and doing ok now. I'm financially stable, and have 2K a month in recurring revenue + what I earn from short term engagements.

My peers now think what I'm doing is cool, and my parents now appear to accept that I'm not a hobo.

But, for the first year and a half, it was very tough emotionally. I was doing fine materially, but earning far less than I would have from a job.

I knew that what I was working on had potential. In fact, my short term (6-12 month) predictions were pretty spot on.

But that was based on my understanding of my niche. Others couldn't see inside my head. It was very, very hard for my parents to see that what I was doing would be worthwhile.

Now that I have externally verifiable metrics of success, it is much easier to convince people that what I'm doing is a good idea.

That in turn makes my work easier. I always felt that what I was doing was worthwhile. But it's a lot easier to work on something when your peers agree with your assessment.

I'm only 27 myself, so I don't have much wisdom to share, but...

You did say that living your well-off lifestyle costs very little.

"I want to give the same unwavering devotion to my children as my parents gave to me, but I want to do it in a way that does not lead to living paycheck to paycheck."

You wouldn't be living paycheck to paycheck if you accepted a job. I'm a pharmacist. It's OK money - I'm sure software developers can get more. You can build up savings and investments for a few years while developing some projects on the side. This gives you breathing room. It seems like you're walking a tightrope right now - with fear of losing what you already have (girlfriend, material stuff) and fear of this idea you call "mediocrity" pushing you along.

At this point no one's going to write an epic poem about my life. I'm arrogant enough to hate "mediocrity" as well, but it's a small price to pay for peace of mind.

I remember when I was this dramatic. I have no doubt that the emotions he experiences are very real, but he has no frame of reference to see all this for what it is: not really a big deal. If he fails, it sounds like he has a safety net and support to get on his feet and try again. There's no shame in being "mediocre" and having a 9-5 as long as he doesn't get complacent and lose his drive.

Any decent entrepreneur, however, is not going to lose that drive and desire. I know I haven't, and I've yet to achieve what this kid has. Even if he fails, he tried. He'll learn a ton and will be better-equipped for the next go-round.

Like untog said, I don't like judging people based on their age as well. But here is the reality. A 20 year old even if a superstar entrepreneur has not experienced the ups and downs of life enough as a 30 year old. (I am 32) A 30 year old not the same like a 40 year old and so on...

If the OP wants to be free, it comes with a cost. Plain and simple. Don't want to be like your friends who have 9-5, a wife, a kid ? Thats fine. But be willing to pay the price for it as well.

I only want to say this "There is a cost and price for everything you do/want in your life". You decide what is worth to you.

If this were written by an aspiring actor, refusing to live a life of non-fame, putting his family and loved ones through hardship because he refuses to take that steady job, how much differently would this be perceived?

And a kindly "Fuck you." for calling those of us who choose to work "normal" jobs mediocre and sell outs. You're a douche. Here's hoping you grow up.

You seem to be romanticizing a little too much to be realistic, yet you seem to be realistic enough to assess the current situation.

My advice is to lower your expectation a little. A mediocrity is better than a total failure. Consider achieving mediocrity the failure, which you would be willing to take before aiming for the big thing, again. Try living homeless for a week, and you'll know.

We're young and sometimes the balance between the ideal and the real can be stammering to hold.

If you're 23, an entrepreneur, fucking terrified and have time to write about it, you're doing it wrong.

A lot of times I wonder if people become entrepreneurs because they think its this fun lifestyle? Or do they think its an instant path to riches? Or do they fear a 9-5 job? Or are they doing it for the reason I do it: to create something?

Psychologists could have a field day with entrepreneurs.

"The Dip", referenced in this article, is something I've had a lot of people recommend to me, yet (seemingly) goes 100% against the "fail fast" mentality also espoused by many others. Any thoughts on how/if these are reconciled?

Go read this to find what it could be http://www.therodinhoods.com/forum/topics/commitment-to-win

Where is the mention of his business? I don't have any clue what he is actually trying to build.

If there is no business, this article should be titled "I'm 23 and Fucking Terrified of Hard Work."

Does anyone know what company the writer of this article started?

I've been there, Zach and I feel your pain. The furiously maddening aspect of the entire ordeal is just how little money you actually need to be free, and how the lack of that little bit of money can wreak havoc on your entire life and nervous system.

Oh what wonders could be conjured with a soothing $2500 per month trust fund deposit! How quickly things could move forward, with doubt and existential dread erased!

Sadly, we are just well educated serfs holding the arrogant pretense that we can become lords. We can, but its not going to be easy.

So I feel you, and I read what you wrote carefully and I sympathize so here is my advice.

I would suggest recalibrating your concept of what is old. 23 is incredibly young. Forget about what your friends are doing. Half those guys getting married and having kids young are wishing they were free like you are right now.

This experience will teach you some things, but what doesn't kill you doesn't necessarily make you stronger. More likely it causes burnout and the dwindling of your dendrites.

I wouldn't prolong it for romantic notions.

Consider pivoting towards becoming cowboy auxiliary engineering help for companies that already have revenue. You can retain your freedom and get much needed cash.

This is what I have done, and put my own product visions on hold. It is quite good. I retain my freedom and people send me large sums via paypal. It is a strategic retreat. Sometimes you advance ahead of your supply lines and strategy dictates a pause.

Also, ignore your guilt about not taking your girlfriend out more.

Don't move. I was living in a penthouse studio apartment in Boulder and I thought a move to Austin would be worth it to lower expenses. The time and stress of the move was is no way worth it.

Depending on where you live, sell your car. The faster you do this the better. It is the most expensive non critical thing that you own.

Think of the one thing you can do today to bring in $5000 and do that. Godspeed, you crazy bastard. You're probably just insane enough to pull this heist off and cheat your capitalist oppressors out of the smug satisfaction they have when you stay in your place.

Quote "A business partner that compliments my skills perfectly."

No, in point of fact, he complements your skills perfectly.

"If at first you don't succeed try, try, try again. And then quit, no point in being bull-headed about it."

Good stuff. I'm with you Zach. Except I'm 40, so I feel slightly different forms of terror than you do. And I don't have the beautiful, intelligent girlfriend. Or a motorcycle.

To all of the people who say that the best thing to do is get a good job, buy a nice house, and to put the max into a 401k that the company will match:

    When I was a young boy 
    They said you're only gettin' older 
    But how was I to know then 
    That they'd be cryin' on my shoulder 
    Put your money in a big house 
    Get yourself a pretty wife 
    She'll collect your life insurance 
    When she connects you with a knife [1]

Fuck you. It’s not what I want. Mediocrity is worse than failure.

Yeah, absolutely. I've tolerated mediocrity for too much of my life, due to a misguided faith in the old saws "patience is a virtue" and "good things come to those who wait", etc.

So now I'm on the cusp of "old", and have a startup that I have a lot of confidence in (but, then again, entrepreneurs almost have to have an irrational level of confidence and optimism!), but the terror of basically having to acknowledge "this is probably my last 'at bat'".

If this doesn't succeed, by the time we fail, I think I'll be too old and too tired to bother trying again. That means I write off all hope of living the life I really want to live. At that point, I doubt I'll see much point in living, so I kinda expect that if it happens, I'll load my car up with booze, and head to Vegas to drink myself to death, ala Nick Cage's character in Leaving Las Vegas.

Can we make it while living modest lifestyles? I think yes. It will be hard, but fuck… it’s going to be hard anyway.

I think so, but, speaking as an "older guy", I'll just say this: be aggressive as fuck about pursuing your dreams. And if you're going to sacrifice a bit and do some element of the "entre-monk" thing, it's probably more tolerable in your 20's than in your 30's, or (worse) your 40's. I'm not saying you have to do the entre-monk thing, mind you. But I am saying that you probably can't afford to coast, and do too much playing around being patient.

I am starting to truly understand why the people that seem to make the best entrepreneurs are empirically unstable. You can’t go into this shit with a sane disposition.

Agreed.

[1]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUkqBRC1zUA

Still takes about 5 seconds for me to see anything render other than the "M" in the corner.

You wrote all that at 23? You should be writing for a living! Forget code, write in English.

I really wish that medium.com would not disable pinchzoom on iOS devices.