My first panic attack happened about two weeks after 9/11 on the F train. Top 3 most terrifying moments of my life.
I did CBT, talk therapy, all kinds of anti-depressant medications (the worst being Effexor XR, that shit should be illegal) until finding klonopin to be the most effective. Marijuana was helpful too, though it had its moments of making things worse, but for the most part A+++ rating, would smoke again.
My anxiety manifested itself in some pretty severe panic attacks, extreme hypochondria and some pretty intense derealization. I miss the derealization though, but it took awhile for me to appreciate it instead of fearing it. The hypochondria I don't miss at all. The panic attacks still happen from time to time (mostly when the lights in the room suddenly change) but I'm so used to them now they don't really phase me. And I'm so practiced at having them, nobody standing around me is ever aware that I'm having a sudden bout of tachycardia and growing concerns that my heart is about to explode in my chest.
I noticed the klonopin was making me kind of a zombie, putting a mega-kabosh on the creative output, so I decided to taper my way to freedom. The first two weeks without it were pretty painful, but now it's relatively smooth sailing.
I'm not sure what happened that I got to this point now. I did move to a foreign country (Vietnam) so I'm sure the slower pace has had something to do with it, despite how much I've grown to dislike living here.
As for what caused it, all of my therapists think I have PTSD from my high school days (I was in a pretty violent anti-racist skinhead group back in the day), but I personally think it has to do with all the MDMA I chewed in the post-skinhead rave days. I guess I'll never know.
You don't have to take them for very long to have withdrawal symptoms after stopping. The effects of stopping can include crippling anxiety. Not exactly the best thing for someone having bad anxiety in the first place.
I have eventually crippling genetic anxiety and "depression of a bi-polar nature" (it's most like bipolar depression, but I never go manic unless I'm prescribed the wrong drug (which is not uncommon in general)). A low dose of the now generic Seroquel, an atypical antiphychoic, was a life saver, without it I'd only get 4 hours of sleep a night when I need 8. I also take a stiff dose of now generic Lexapro, which is laser precise in its action.
It took years for me and my doctors to figure out this regimen that seems to be as good as possible unless and until an anti-anxiety wonder drug is developed.
I'm not keen on being a slave to meds, so I'm currently weaning myself off 1mg a day (Effexor is notoriously bad to quit cold turkey). I did this a couple years ago and got to 30mg before I felt like I was experiencing anxious symptoms. These days I'm married, I meditate, and am all around less of a spazz.
"I'm so practiced at having them, nobody standing around me is ever aware that I'm having a sudden bout of tachycardia and growing concerns that my heart is about to explode in my chest"
Believe me, I recall that sensation, and I don't miss it. If I need to take meds for the rest of my life to avoid those types of experiences, so be it. When I was preoccupied with dealing with that level of anxiety, I was missing out on more than I realized.
I took Zoloft for about 8 months and then weaned off and I feel back to normal.
Pot and Kolonpin (and other benzos) are really only for temporary treatment. I'd recommend taking SSRIs but you have to wait for the 6 week ramp up period to see if it works. If it doesn't, you have to change SSRIs.
After awhile, I was getting these insane headaches, like stabbed in the brain with a rusty knife type headache. Those lasted a few weeks.
And then came the brain shivers. Moving my eyes, or rapidly turning my head, would cause an electric shock sensation that, from what I've read, was similar to what people having a stroke experience. Like lightning in your head. It wasn't painful like the headaches, but it was well beyond annoying, if not completely frightening. I'd sometimes lose my balance and fall over.
I then made the mistake of quitting cold turkey. This was my first AD and my psychiatrist hadn't informed me of how bad an idea that was, and I was stupid for not reading the insert when taking it. After a few days of hell, I went back on it and tapered off.
I understand if it is effective for a lot of people, but I certainly know I'm not alone in my experiences with it.
Zoloft was much softer, but really didn't do much for me.
Simply extracting the active ingredients of medical grade by heating the cannabis in 1/4 teaspoon of olive oil will only give the patient about 9 calories.
() Cannabidiol (CBD) is one of at least 85 active cannabinoids identified in cannabis. It is a major phytocannabinoid, accounting for up to 40% of the plant's extract. (wikipedia)
edit: disappointing that all of the replies are about the first word in this post, but I kind of asked for it. Talk about whatever you want to talk about.
Cannabis can for some users have severe downsides. We don't necessarily know in advance which those users are. People who have a diagnosed severe mental illness are probably in that group. Thus, is someone with strong anxiety a person who should avoid cannabis because it would exacerbate their anxiety; or trigger an underlying psychosis? Or are they a person who would benefit from canabis?
I am strongly in favour of legalising cannabis but I find it frustrating when people claim it has no downsides.
It's actually a useful tool for that, assuming the person isn't an insanely negative environment where they lock them up after they become vocal.
Ohhh boy. On this throwaway to say otherwise. I'm sorry if this post is a bit incoherent because I'm horribly tired, still getting past the nuts insomnia phase of quitting.
I've smoked a lot of weed. Started smoking in high school, heavily when I was 19 until a couple weeks ago (I'm 26 now). About an ounce a month over that time, sometimes two ounces. First it was for insomnia, then it was supposedly for my digestive health (actually, quitting gives you gas and loose stool), then for anxiety, sometimes for aches and pains (which were made worse because of poor posture -- it is a muscle relaxant, after all). At the end it was for my paranoia, so to speak -- I was convinced I had cancer setting into my guts and that it was the weed that was keeping it in remission. They did some experiment where this worked with rats, right?
Right now it seems like there are no side effects. Trust me, there will be. Your memory will turn to shit and you won't be able to follow a conversation. You will try to remember a number and forget it moments later. You'll be slow to recall your own zip code. This doesn't just happen when you're high, it'll happen the day after smoking also. Basically, if you're feeling "all right," you'll have these effects too.
You'll become dull. You'll sit around with peers and have nothing to talk about, just a stupid smile. Now, you'll feel totally at peace, but you're a basically a human blob, incapable of really interesting thought.
Your thoughts themselves will become lazy, less rigorous. You'll think you're being "chill" when you quit a debate, but really, your mind is just working much slower.
You'll edit code pointlessly, shuffling stuff around.
It's not all bad -- the ability to come up with really funny insights doesn't go away, so you can make people laugh. But there's no depth to anything you do.
Heavy smoking makes you shiftless too, and easy to abuse. It let me stay in an abusive marriage for a few years, fun (I sort of knew this but was too embarrassed to leave this woman I'd just married, so I smoked more to keep my sanity). Only when I tried to slow down smoking for a little while did I realize how bad things had gotten. Whether or not you believe it's happening, people will try to take advantage of you, if you're worth taking advantage of.
Keep in mind I'm not talking about "smoking every now and then when I feel bad," I'm talking about daily use: A smoke in the bathroom before you shower for work and constant smoking every night. Lunch break smoke if you're a real go-getter. Maybe smoking on your commute. Always making sure you have a good bit of bud or hash oil before you go on a trip anywhere (I remember smoking in a company's garage in SF after a tech meetup, and also regularly taking smoke breaks in my employer's garage in a less tolerant state).
In this industry, people will let you get away with it if you're any good, because the fact is that a half-baked person who can still write decent, reliable code is 10x as valuable as an regular guy with no skill/aptitude/motivation. And as you might have noticed, most people don't take to this stuff all that well, which is why (compared to other working schlubs) we get paid pretty well.
Also, YMMV, but it completely robbed me of my sex life when sober because I'd orgasm so fast.
It took several years of heavy, daily smoking for these serious symptoms to fully manifest into what seemed an indomitable form, probably when I was 24-25. I know for sure that heavy daily smoking of high-grade buds in California took it to the next level.
I had to stop smoking. I realized how stupid I'd become, even if I was raking in the dollars (not doing consultant BS either, senior developer stuff at a good tech company and respected by my peers).
Holy crap, I'd forgotten how smart I was. Suddenly I could remember everything. Issue numbers. My train number. Dates, times, places. I could remember things (addresses and stuff) I learned when stoned, knowledge I didn't know was in my head. Weird!
Now I can't imagine smoking again, except rarely with friends. Having my brain back is so wonderful. Feel free to ask my questions, though I probably covered the uninteresting life of a stoner programmer pretty well here.
I try to mitigate the negative effects by alternating -- a month of daily smoking, then a month off. If I have any in the house, I can't help myself, so I moderate the quantities I buy.
But, I have started to have episodes around things like locked doors. Did I lock the door -- or even close it? It's like I can't trust my previous decision and I have to go check again. Sometimes I will check a door five times in an hour. It's basically neurotic. If I don't check, I feel very nervous. I think this might be related to marijuana since it seems to fall into the category of absentminded behavior. It's like I am not present in reality enough to have faith in my past decisions.
I definitely don't feel stupid, but I do feel unfocused -- you could say my thoughts are accurate but not very precise. Or put in other terms, I feel like my of my intellectual powers are locked up because it feels to difficult to think about hard things.
Anyway, I was wondering how long you feel like it took you to "get smart again", as it were. Should a month be long enough to return to a baseline state of mind? Or should I try a multiple month T break to see if it has a big impact? (If it did, I would quit).
I've found Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Claire Weeks to be the most helpful book on dealing with the physical symptoms. Once you're able to remove or at least tame the physical aspect you can better fight the mental manifestation.
This book literally changed my life and I'd recommend that you don't hesitate to check it out if you suffer from anxiety in any capacity.
http://www.amazon.com/Hope-Help-Nerves-Claire-Weekes/dp/0451...
I read this book : http://www.amazon.com/The-Mood-Cure-Program-Emotions-Today/d...
She basically advocates for the supplements 5htp and St John's Wort taken three times a day (empty stomach ideally).
Her theory is that a lot of our depressive moods are due to nutritional deficiencies and that the amino acids that help with serotonin production are easily depleted (via drinking coffee, alcohol, aspartame, stresses, and lack of sleep).
Nonetheless, I am feeling better, and feeling like I am making incremental improvements each week. Much less anxiety.
No side effects to report (sexual, clouded brain syndrome).
St John's Wort: http://examine.com/supplements/Hypericum+perforatum/
5-HTP http://examine.com/supplements/5-HTP/
L-Tyrosene is also advocated in the book as a motivational booster (increases dopamine). It's effects feel like a strong cup of coffee.
I'm not in any way connected to this book or these supplements; just happy to share something that worked for me regarding depression and anxiety.
No more. I did a lot of different probiotics (Mutaflor, some generic L-bacillus stuff, homemade kefir, Kombucha,...) in the last years, and anxiety has completely gone away. Here is some possible explanation: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-head...
I know such comments are often downvoted, so please drop a comment if you do, and contribute.
Edit: Just found this: http://www.scribd.com/doc/28819342/Experimental-Treatment-fo... I'm going to try it and report back.
Your gut bacteria are important, why we e.g. don't need Vitamin K supplements, so I at least am not surprised by hints they also have effects on mood and the like.
Homemade Kefir and Water Kefir are made by fermenting milk or sugarwater. It's a wild ferment, so it's critical that the culture you get on eBay or craigslist is in a good state. So it's advisable to have a hard look and smell at the kefir you are producing. Keeping the kefir acidic is crucial so the good strains (L-Bacilli and certain funghi) can outcrowd the strains you don't want in there. Kombucha works similarly, but I haven't used if for long.
While I tried lots of things, milk and Water Kefir worked best by far. I can't remember what L-Bacilli supplements I tested, but I got the impression that they did not do as much as Mutaflor or the Kefir. But the number of bacteria in Kefir is ridiculously higher than in most supplements, so that might be the reason.
Almost forgot.. I have low stomach acid, so I regularly drink (unpasteurized, unfiltered) apple cider vinegar. This might prevent "bad" strains from getting a grip, but I can only speculate.
What I did was just throwing lots of different (valid!) bacterial strains in, and see what comes of it (ubiome wasn't available back then, and regular lab tests are quite expensive). Kefir did the most for me, and it has different L.bacillus strains and some yeasts in it (http://ntur.lib.ntu.edu.tw/bitstream/246246/177589/1/04.pdf). Kefir is reported to kill off or starve strains that don't belong in its ecosystem, but it's quite possible that this is not true or that there is point beyond which the L.bacilli will die off and the unbeneficial strains take over. Smell and look are reportedly good indicators for that, but I didn't find any studies for that. One would have to send it into a lab to make sure.
Obviously if you're flipping out properly it's not gonna help, but it does appear to have a surprising effect for the tamer challenges in life. I hadn't expected or heard of any such effects, but consistently felt so much more relaxed and focused after drinking it, which piqued my interest enough to look it up. There does appear to be some nebulous positive medical review of its effects in areas like blood pressure.
I started Nardil after a very weird/disturbing relationship left me in a depressed state for many months. I had never been depressed before that. But it eliminated the depression almost instantly, and greatly diminished my social anxiety. Although I'm thinking of stopping it soon because the side effects are pretty bad. I didn't notice them at first, but they've crept up and are very noticeable now. Hopefully when I stop it my ability to handle social interactions will remain now that I've had some practice with it.
for panic attacks, they are really something separate from the anxiety of speaking to a lot of people. so far the only thing that I have as a weapon is to try and thwart them before they start or ride out the storm by distraction - 2048 helps, it really does! after 4 years of no panic attacks I thought they were conquered, but I did have an episode, so its ongoing but managed I guess.
depression: I was depressed for a long time. I was able to put an end to it by putting dark thoughts out of my mind, concentrating on good things, and not talking myself into thinking how bad things were. I consider it safely conquered. it sounds like a platitude "dont think negative things and you will get better" but its not. at first it is hard but then one day you will wake up and everything has changed.
History: I get panic attacks every (so far) only on even years and so far (only between the months of may-august). i dont know why... I can have close calls outside of those time restraints but the full blown the world is ending panic attacks have only happened during those time frames. I really dont have an ability to stop them once they trigger from happening, they can happen at 4am or 3pm at work. distraction and not thinking about them seems to help the most.
depression: I was depressed from 1998 to 2012. from 2010-2012 it was managed, but now I'm like a different person. I have never taken any medication for anything above.
I've always viewed it as a disease, but this article portrays anxiety in a new light. Maybe my ability to view the world this way enables self creativity that I never knew existed... That thought is exciting.
Thanks for sharing!
Would a stoic be happy or sad that stoic philosophy didn't work for him?
When anything awesome comes to our life we forget about stomach aches, spine aches or mental aches and feel the drive. But drugs and medicines have not awesome side-effects. I could be very nervous on weed and stimulators and after psychedelics (we are not talking about opiates usually its one-way road).
The medical fact that you could be born predisposed to be nervous or could became that after the shock. So its your body nature.
And there is only two ways: 1. Be where is awesome and do something awesome. You need it more then others. 2. Radically change your metabolism, reject yourself and became a Z-Zombie.
Or the grave, but you can't avoid it, so it can wait, finally there will be no nerves to be nervous anyway.
And you shouldn't dramatize what's going on. Panic attack its just several bad hours and you are not physically damaged after that. I have a couple of them per week, and one a day in bad times, but you're not dying, event not physically disabled, just misbalance moment in your nervous system. Ok just as planned 56 hours per week for a sleep, 3 for a toiled, 25 for internet hangout, 10 for a meal and 5 for the panic attacks, everything just as planned. When you are resting well, eating enough you'll reduce this time. So there is even a good news)
When you have a hard panic attacks with adrenaline outburst (you know, you are "really dying", but before you should run to the toilet like sprinter) that's a bright moments, and you have couple bright days after them, just because its not happening with you now. Everyone wants a bright life, right? You've got a little for free, some kind of death and resurrection cycle)
Brotherhood of anxious guys and girls are just a part of big picture, there is a epilepsy, head traumas and other ns diseases and we are not holding even the bronze medal.
Want another good thing? Hypochondria, i really killing my physician with it. How dare you to say that i have no cancer! Lets check again! Two MRI per week is too much? Not too much for the such ill person, im sure that bastard is hiding somewhere between spine and lungs. My heart is ok?! I'll go to the other physician! You said something about spot on pancreas? Oh, that spot will kill me in a year for sure. (why did they asked me how long i didn't fart?). But my real hope is a inborn cyst "without diagnostic meaning" it's a real black horse, when i feel the headache i know that there is no brain left, only cyst with a liquid and alchohol inside, ready to explode.
Hypochondria helps us to visit physician in a time, discover early problems and prevent them, so, statistically, we are more bulletproof that guys which seen a doctor once a life and suddenly dying from the stroke just before 50 anniversary.
But there was a real killing thing in my life. One day i haven't sleep because i was anxious, guy from my work said something wrong (or i thought that he thought something wrong, i don't remember clearly). Then i feel strange smell, i sniffed and decided that there is a fire in my flat. So i raised a panic of the highest probe and evacuated my family. There was a real fire downstairs and all flat became filled with acrid fumes after 5 minutes.
So my anxiety save me and my family, and we are in very good relations after this accident.
Source: personal experience.
