depressed

I'm a competent software engineer and passionate about what I do. I can get dev jobs, but I cannot hold onto them. My longest at one job was about 18 months, and my average is closer to 6 months. Sooner or later I get burned out, stop meeting expectations, and lose the job.

When I say burned out, I mean a bunch of physical symptoms: I get nausea that causes my body weight to yo-yo up and down. I get migraines that can last for weeks. I experience brain fog that wrecks my productivity. My body will start to crave sleep to the point that I end up skipping meals just to sleep more.

Along the way, I've gotten diagnosed with major depressive disorder, ADHD, and high-functioning autism. I've tried self-employment and gig IT work, and experienced similar burnout for much less pay.

Has anyone experienced anything similar and bounced back? What helped?

Are there any employers that work with software engineers with mental health problems? I'm not even sure what accommodations to ask for. I found a couple corporations with programs for autistic individuals, but they seem focused on people entering the workforce for the first time.

I'm frustrated and desperate at this point. I'll take stress management hacks, passive income tricks, alternate career suggestions, anything.

Once upon a time, I earned a degree in software engineering from a major university, and for the next seven years I worked a string of jobs in Silicon Valley. (Not really FAANG companies, but still names you would recognize.) During this time, I experienced episodes of brain fog, and near-constant depression and low energy. I struggled to hold down any developer position for more than a few months. I finally gave up, moved in with family, and started doing odd jobs, mostly IT-related.

Three years ago, I finally got my neurological disorder correctly diagnosed. It’s not cured, but I finally understand my triggers and can manage my symptoms. (I can discuss details in a comment below if people want, but this post is already too long.)

I’m trying to re-enter the software industry now, but I’m feeling a little lost. Providing work references is hard when you haven’t been in the field for five years, and everyone remembers you as the guy who was checked out all the time. I still have recruiters reaching out to me, but they always assume I have 10+ continuous years of experience, which I really do not, and none of those interviews have lead to job offers.

Where do I go from here? What places are likely to be open to a candidate that superficially looks overqualified, but comes with a dozen red flags?

Does it make sense to try to reset my career by going for a master’s degree? Should I double down on my (zero revenue so far) side projects until I have a respectable portfolio to share? Should I dive into open source contributions in hopes of getting references I can use for job applications? Or should I skip all that and aggressively apply to jobs now?

I still love programming. I believe that I’m good at it, when I’m not fighting other problems at the same time. If I’m going to work a 9-to-5 job, there really isn’t anything else I want to do.

I've been struggling with severe clinical depression for at least seven years. I've struggled hard to keep it from impacting my work, but I still keep losing job after job.

It really seems like I can only invest half as much effort as my peers without experiencing severe burnout. I'm not talking about start-up people investing 80+ hour weeks, I'm talking about people doing 9 to 5 in big companies.

Programming is still on my short list of things I love, and I can't think of anything I'd rather try to do for a living. It's not my job that's making me depressed--I still want to shoot myself on the weekends, too. I'm really at a loss as to what to do.

Yes, I'm in therapy and on medication (not that it seems to do a lot--I've lost count of how many medications I've tried). No, I'm not about to attempt suicide, though God knows I'd like to.

Is there any kind of a career that you know of that I might still succeed in? Something where a week here and there of being stuck in I-fucking-want-to-curl-up-and-cry mode isn't a deal breaker?

As it stands, I'm broke enough that I can't afford Silicon Valley any more, and I'm getting ready to pack up and move back in with my parents until I come up with something. I have a couple lifestyle business ideas I want to try, but I don't have terribly high hopes for them. After that, all I can think of is trying some programming jobs outside the tech sector to see if they're less stressful, or abandoning tech altogether and working Taco Bell or something.

Any ideas? Help?