hestipod

I literally "failed at life" AND at death and am picking up the pieces. I regret a lot, including obviously the attempt as it made every problem I had even worse. It was fear and desperation. I know its a lot to ask of strangers, especially now, but local resources are bare, people who said they would be there are not, the system is poor and the people working in it admit that to me. I am trying to string along enough hands to hold on to and get past this and to I hope some future that I was too broken or too afraid to grab on to before in the one or two times in years there was even a chance from very kind people working around my disability. Email is in profile if you have the time or energy. Thanks.

I've been struggling a long time. Some of it I admit is self inflicted due to my own weaknesses and inability to move past pain and problems, but most is external and there has been a lot. I have failed to grab securely the occasional lifelines I have had over the years. One from a kind member here. Not long ago I completely gave out and tried to stop living. Now I am trying to recover from that and new issues and feel very alone and adrift. I have no holistic support or care. Each day is such a fight, each moment. If anyone has the time and energy I could use real caring, love, strength. "If I could just go back" is my mantra but its not served me at all I see. I need to go forward but things are SO bad now I don't know how and am getting pawned off by the local people I asked for help. The healthcare system has failed me repeatedly. So another desperation post. Few people have written me in past but I lost all messages/contacts as I seem to have deleted the accounts content. I want a life...a future...but I am simply not able to do it alone. Timing of world events makes it even worse I know. Please if you have the energy reach out. Email is in profile. I am probably even beyond trying to stay anonymous as its so critical and desperate. I am past forums or crisis texts etc. I need real people and real guidance.

Thank you