hoboon

hi, hn.

I know I posted before...but I feel like my situation is the same or worse. I'm trying, I really am.

I keep trying and failing. I am sincerely worried that my career as a software engineer is over, if it even began. This is the end. All I wanted to do is get really good at this and build things but no one wants to hire me. I try to get good on my own but I know that I don't know what I don't know. I keep trying to do stuff on my own but all I do is fail. If I never quit and never win, what do I do?

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. How do 'normal' people do this? They graduate school, get a job doing this, and then get better after years of practice? Did I take the wrong jobs? What did I do to so colossally fuck things up so no one wants me?

I'm terrible. I'm shit. I'm in the wrong field. I feel like eating a bullet would make the world a better place. I'll never understand. I give up.