purple-leafy

Had a few life events happen recently, most significant was 7 year relationship breakdown 2 months ago.

It’s sucked the joy out of life if I’m honest.

I’ve done everything recommended - weightlifting x3, cardio x6, no social media, eating healthy, sleeping healthy, going into the office 5days a week, reading books, being active on weekends, seeing friends.

But I feel like I’m just ticking boxes. I’m sure I’ve made progress, as previously I saw no point in anything in life, and now I’m just sad instead.

But I’ve lost my passion and joy for anything and lack purpose. Can’t enjoy video games, books, outdoor activities

Any ideas? I’m open to trying anything except drugs or alcohol.

I’m not a confident person. I never have been, I’m 30 now and have just suffered some major setbacks lately: partner left me, took the dog, lost my job, diagnosed with ADHD, diagnosed with arthritis, got skinny-fat, realised my parents abused me growing up … etc

But I always challenge myself harder when I have setbacks, so I have grit: I got a new better job in a new role, I started back at gym and hitting it hard, started cardio 6 days a week and weightlifting 3 days, social soccer and badminton, reached out to remaining friend (singular), started therapy, started doing fun activities on weekends, started trying to be more social and talk to people, switched to a dumb phone, got rid of social media, eating healthy, sober for 1.5 years.

But I’m so awkward. And I’m so unconfident in myself. I never feel in control. I feel like I’m a people pleaser even though I have hard morals. I’m always kind to people and smile and nice, polite in conversation and ask people about themselves. But I realise no one asks back. And when I walk past strangers I get nervous and smile at them, feeling judged. I feel like I’m constantly “on” and that I have to be my best self to everyone and the garbage man. But I question myself, who cares what people think? But subconsciously I clearly care very deeply what EVERYONE thinks and it’s exhausting.

Like I said I have ADHD. I’m inconsistent, I swing between very intellectual (I’ve built and sold viral software, I’ve won startup competitions, I’m way above average at some things like ideation and execution) but I’m dumb as bricks in other areas - social situations with more than 1 person are extremely hard to navigate, I constantly have relationship issues with everyone, I find the workplace and jobs impossible to perform in even though I have innate ability in what I do.

What gives? How do you get confidence when you’re always in your own head, and life’s hard?

When I say confidence I mean quiet confidence, confidence in my own actions and abilities and lot in life x social interactions. Not “alpha male” confidence.