Dear HN crowd,
I'm not particularly happy in my life. My main problem is lack of intrinsic motivation to create stuff, in the widest sense. For example, I don't contribute to open source projects. I don't have any own programming projects. I don't have a personal web site or a blog. I'm not a member of a political party trying to change the world. I find the start-up scene thrilling, but as long as I don't change, I will probably never be part of it.
I think the underlying problem is that it's quite easy for me to find things that interest me, but very hard not to get bored after a day. For example, think about topics like lock picking, composing electronic music, web development, functional programming languages, [insert random technology here], etc.
As soon as I understand the basics of X, I lose interest. After I had managed to open a very simple lock, I stopped practicing. After I had roughly figured out what the knobs on a synthesizer do, I stopped trying to make electronic music. After I understood which technologies are required to build and deploy a modern web site and how to get a basic "hello world" running, I stopped building web sites. After a few hours of "Learn you a Haskell for Great Good" and seeing the main differences to other programming paradigms, I stopped reading (same for the Erlang equivalent). I've had a look at so many different programming languages in my life, but after I understand syntax and basic design principles, I lose the motivation to actually build something with it.
As such, I have no chance to become an expert in a particular field. It's frustrating.
I perform very well at university, though. It's easy to see what you have to do to get the reward (a good grade), so I do just that. Actually, (graded) university projects are the only projects I've finished in my life. Why do I need grades to motivate me? What the fuck does optimizing for good grades matter, while others actually do and learn useful stuff in their free time?
Why don't I feel the urge to build kick-ass stuff, while so many people here do? Why can't I stay focussed on a single thing without external pressure (grades)? I'm close to graduation now. I could know far more than I do, if I had learned past what is required for getting an A.
Something needs to change. I already see myself decaying at $BIG-CO, the monthly pay-check as my only reward. But what other option is there, without any passion.
PS: HN is very inspiring for me, though. My brain loves the rush of information. It's typical for me to open 40-something tabs of news stories, just to skim through them, without reading a single one in detail: Read the introduction, read the conclusion, close tab, read top HN comments. Understand what it is about and what smart people think about the subject. Then go to next story, repeat. Maybe it's ADHD. Medication (stimulants) did not really help, though.
